Trump Makes the Thought Police Great Again at a Rally:
“Alright, folks, listen up—today, we’re talking about something huge. Something that’s been lacking for way too long. We’re going to Make the Thought Police Great Again!”
(The crowd goes silent for a moment, then starts clapping cautiously, unsure where this is going.)
“Look, folks, in the old days, there was order. You didn’t have people thinking whatever they wanted. No, no. We had structure. We had control. And we’re bringing that back, stronger than ever.”
(A nervous murmur spreads through the crowd.)
“You know, some people think that ‘freedom of thought’ is a good thing. Wrong. Freedom of thought is chaos. We don’t need chaos, folks. We need unity, we need precision, and we need people thinking the right things at the right time. We need to be great again, and you can’t do that when everyone’s got their own little ideas.”
(A few confused looks from the crowd.)
“Here’s the deal. The Thought Police—they’re gonna be tremendous. We’re going to have a huge operation. You think the FBI’s got it covered? Think again. We’re going to have people out there, everywhere, listening in, making sure you’re thinking what you should be thinking. It’s gonna be beautiful. Like the best kind of surveillance, folks. Perfect surveillance.”
(A couple of people start looking around nervously, unsure if they’ve said something wrong.)
“And don’t get me started on fake news, alright? The Thought Police—they’re going to handle that. They’ll know what’s true and what’s fake. They’ll make sure you’re not watching fake news, not listening to fake news. You’ll be hearing the truth, and if you start thinking wrong, don’t worry. The Thought Police will be there, keeping you on track. They’re going to be like your personal thought coaches.”
*(Someone whispers, “This sounds like censorship…”)
“People say, ‘But Trump, what about free thinking? What about individuality?’ Let me tell you something. Individuality doesn’t get things done. You know what does? Group think. Big groups of people thinking the same thing. And that’s what we’re going to create—a unified America, where everybody’s thinking the same way. It’s going to be great, folks, so great you won’t even believe it.”
(A few people start clapping, though they’re not entirely sure if they should be clapping for this.)
“We’re going to give the Thought Police power, okay? They’re going to be everywhere. They’ll be at the mall, at the movies, at your local coffee shop—wherever you are. They’ll know if you’re thinking right or wrong. And if you’re thinking wrong? Boom—they’ll be right there to set you straight. It’s going to be like instant correction. Like a reset button for your brain.”
*(A woman in the front row starts to whisper, “This doesn’t sound right...”)
“And here’s the best part: If you’ve got a bad thought? Don’t worry. We’re going to retrain you. You’ll be put through a program, where we’ll get you thinking the right thoughts. It’ll be fun! You’ll be so grateful. You won’t even remember what those bad thoughts were! The Thought Police are here to help, folks. They’re going to make America think right again.”
(The crowd looks unsure, with a few backing away from the stage, but most still clapping awkwardly.)
“Remember, folks, you can’t be great without a little help. And that’s why we need the Thought Police. They’re the best at making sure we all think the right way. Together, we’re going to Make Thought Control Great Again!”
(A couple of individuals are visibly checking for exits, but the majority give a hesitant round of applause.)
“Thank you, everybody! And if you have any thoughts of your own—don’t worry. We’ll be watching.”
(The crowd claps, some with less enthusiasm than before, while others discreetly check their phones.)
