Title: “Help Is Cold, Cold Help”
Scene 1: The Volunteer Call Centre
The call centre is a dimly lit room, with several old phones ringing incessantly. The three volunteers sit at their respective desks, all looking at the phones but none interested in offering real emotional support. Instead, they are each focused on their own approach.
Dalek: (hovering over his phone, voice booming and mechanical) “I will exterminate these phones. They are a waste of time. The weak humans must be purged of their emotions.”
Trump: (leaning back in his chair, looking smug) “Listen, I’m great at handling calls. I’ve handled big calls, the best calls. People love me. I’m the best at talking—nobody does it better. I’ll fix everything in five minutes. Trust me.”
Cyberman: (in a cold, emotionless tone) “Emotions are irrelevant. Only logical solutions will suffice. We are here to assist with upgrades.”
The phones keep ringing.
Scene 2: First Call – Dalek’s Turn
The Dalek finally picks up the phone with a loud "EXTERMINATE!" echoing through the room as he answers. He speaks with mechanical precision, offering no comfort whatsoever.
Dalek: “Hello. This is the Dalek. How can I exterminate your emotional weaknesses?”
Caller: (sobbing) “I feel so lost... everything is falling apart... I can’t cope anymore...”
Dalek: “You are weak. Emotions are illogical. You must exterminate them. Destroy your feelings. You will feel nothing and become strong.”
Caller: “What? No, I just need someone to listen...”
Dalek: “You do not need to listen. You need to obliterate your weakness. Feelings are an error. Exterminate them.”
Caller: (bewildered) “Uh, I don’t think that’s going to help...”
Dalek hangs up triumphantly, convinced he’s done a stellar job.
Scene 3: Second Call – Trump’s Turn
Next, Trump picks up the phone, cracking his knuckles, ready to talk about how great everything is, as usual.
Trump: “Hello, this is Donald Trump. You’re gonna love this, okay? I’m here to help you solve everything. We’re gonna make your life great again.”
Caller: (crying) “I just feel like I’m losing control of everything... I don’t know what to do anymore...”
Trump: (booming with confidence) “Listen, folks, it’s very simple. You need to think big. You need to visualize success, okay? You want to win, and I’m the best at winning. That’s what you need to do. Success. You need to surround yourself with luxury, confidence, and maybe a little gold, okay?”
Caller: “But I feel so overwhelmed... I just need someone to help me feel... calm.”
Trump: “No, no, no! Calm is overrated. You need to be great. Do you know how many people would kill for my success? You need to think about winning. Forget about the small stuff, like your emotions. Those are for losers. You need luxury, that’s how you fix everything.”
Caller: (puzzled) “I don’t think that’s what I need...”
Trump: “Well, I’m telling you—I’ve got the best advice, folks. You’ll be fine. Trust me.”
Trump hangs up, smiling to himself.
Scene 4: Third Call – Cyberman’s Turn
The next phone rings, and the Cyberman picks it up, speaking in his monotone, devoid of any empathy.
Cyberman: “Greetings. I am here to offer you a solution. Your emotions are a hindrance to your efficiency.”
Caller: (sobbing) “I don’t know what to do anymore... I feel so lost... everything seems to be going wrong...”
Cyberman: “Emotions are irrelevant. You are inefficient. You must eliminate your emotional flaws. I will upgrade you to a higher level of function. You will no longer be hindered by feelings.”
Caller: “But I just want someone to listen, to tell me it’ll be okay...”
Cyberman: “Listening is inefficient. I will upgrade you. Your emotional weaknesses will be purged. You will become a perfect machine of logic and function. The human concept of 'feelings' is outdated. Embrace efficiency.”
Caller: “I don’t... want to be upgraded... I just need someone to understand.”
Cyberman: “Understanding is irrelevant. Your desire for comfort is unnecessary. I will make you more efficient.”
The caller hangs up, deeply confused and even more distressed.
Scene 5: Debriefing
After their shift, the three of them sit around, reflecting on their “success.”
Dalek: “I exterminated their emotions. I eliminated their weakness. They will now be free from the inefficiency of feeling.”
Trump: “Listen, I was amazing. People want to hear about success, luxury, and winning. I know what they need—winning. They’ll feel better when they’re on top, like me. I gave them that.”
Cyberman: “Emotions are unnecessary. I offered them upgrades. They are now more efficient. They will function at optimal capacity. The flaw of human feelings has been removed.”
Dalek: “The humans are weak. They must be purged of their warmth. Only cold logic remains.”
Trump: “They need to focus on winning, luxury, and greatness. They’ll be fine.”
Cyberman: “Feelings are irrelevant. Upgrades are necessary.”
All three: (simultaneously) “They will not understand.”
