Antiope: (to her warriors) "Sisters! Beyond these gates lies the next step in our quest to recover the Girdle of Hippolyta! Remain vigilant. This place reeks of decadence."
The gates open, revealing an ethereal pink glow and a chorus of giggles. A flock of giggling maidens—led by Zoot—rushes out to greet the Amazons, all dressed in absurdly revealing outfits.
Zoot: (excitedly) "Oh, brave and noble warriors! You’ve come to save us from… our unbearable loneliness! Please, come in and punish us!"
Antiope: (raising an eyebrow) "Punish you? For what crime?"
Zoot: "Oh, you know, existing… being naughty… wearing sheer nightgowns in the daytime…"
Aresia: (another Amazon, narrowing her eyes) "Do you mock us? Your tone belies sincerity."
Zoot: (beaming) "Oh no, I’m entirely sincere! Come, let us bathe you in scented oils and tell you all about our dreams! Maybe braid your hair? Or perhaps…" (she sidles up to Antiope) "a game of spank-the-warrior?"
Antiope: (utterly perplexed) "You wish to… spank me? As a game?"
Zoot: (nodding eagerly) "Oh yes, it’s tradition here! Right after the feast of whipped cream and cherries! Followed by a very serious pillow fight!"
The Amazons exchange looks of sheer bewilderment.
Antiope: (firmly) "We are warriors of Themiscyra. We do not engage in… whatever this is. Tell us, where is the Girdle of Hippolyta?"
Zoot: (pouting) "Oh, the Girdle… we gave it to the Head Mistress! She’s in the Tower of Lingerie. But you’ll have to get past the Trial of Tickles first!"
Antiope: (glaring) "The Trial of WHAT?"
Suddenly, the maidens produce fluffy feather dusters, circling the Amazons with mischief in their eyes.
Aresia: (pulling out her sword) "If you touch me with that ridiculous device, I swear upon Artemis, your end will not be swift."
The maidens pause, a little intimidated.
Zoot: "Oh, so serious! Don’t you ever laugh? Smile? Frolic? Wrestle in pudding?"
Antiope: (deadpan) "Frolicking is not part of our training regimen."
Aresia: "This place is an insult to all things sacred."
Antiope: (grimly) "Agreed. We must endure. For the Girdle."
They finally reach the Tower of Lingerie, only to find the Head Mistress lounging in a bubble bath with the Girdle draped over her shoulders.
Head Mistress: "Oh, darlings! You came all this way! Surely you’d like to relax first? Maybe a quick mud mask?"
Antiope: (leveling her spear) "Hand over the Girdle, or face the wrath of Themiscyra."
The Head Mistress sighs, dramatically tossing the Girdle at their feet.
Head Mistress: "Fine, but you’re missing out on a very therapeutic foot soak."
As the Amazons leave, victorious but deeply unsettled, the maidens wave goodbye, shouting suggestions for self-care routines and giggling about their next "guest."
Antiope: "I shall never speak of this day again."
Aresia: "Agreed. Let us never return."
