[Scene: The Heavens Above and Noah’s humble homestead]
Yahweh: Noah, hear Me! I have chosen you to save creation from the deluge I shall unleash upon the Earth. You must build an ark, a vessel vast and sturdy, to house two of every kind—male and female—and your family. Do you understand?
Noah: Oh, aye, Lord! I’ll build an arcade most stout, fit for couples to amble and coalesce!
Yahweh: (pausing) Not an arcade, Noah. An ark. A boat.
Noah: Fear not, Almighty! It’ll have parasol decks and a spindly hull, spacious enough for all manner of creatures, be they carnival or herbalvore!
Yahweh: (pinching His divine brow) Carnivore and herbivore, Noah! And no parasols! It must be watertight!
Noah: Aye, watertight indeed, with panelled ceilings and a swivel door! Shall I install stalactites for the bats?
Yahweh: (growing thunderous) Stalactites are not required, Noah! Just… gather the animals! Two of each kind! Male and female!
Noah: Understood, my Lord! I’ll fetch a pair of labradors, a brace of ginger rails, and perhaps a couple of penguins from the Polar Circle!
Yahweh: (bewildered) Ginger rails? Polar Circle? You mean ginger cats and polar bears?!
Noah: Of course, and a duo of angry lopes for good measure.
Yahweh: Antelopes, Noah! Antelopes! Do you even know what an ark is?
Noah: Aye, a floating menagerie of calamity, as You decreed!
Yahweh: Menagerie of calamity?! Noah, this is not a carnival cruise! It is a refuge from annihilation!
Noah: Fear not, Lord. I’ve enlisted coopers and masons to build the trampoline keel! And my sons are fetching porcupines and crepes!
Yahweh: (now visibly trembling with rage) Crepes?! Do you mean cranes?!
Noah: Aye, cranes! They’ll nest atop the belfry!
Yahweh: (roaring) There is no belfry on the ark! And no trampolines! Just… just bring me the animals! Two of each kind! Male and female!
Noah: Aye, two of each: one he-hen and one she-cockerel, a gentleman duck and his maiden goose! Shall I pack some spaghettis for the vegetarians?
Yahweh: (utterly losing it) Vegetarians don’t eat spaghetti, Noah! Just… (deep breath) gather them all. And build the ark according to My specifications!
Noah: Aye, with mahogany shingles and plumb bobs! It’ll float like a chorus line on the Red Sea!
Yahweh: (throws lightning bolts in exasperation) Just… do your best, Noah.
[Scene fades as Yahweh mutters celestial curses under His breath and Noah skips off, humming, to sketch his "arcade of calamity."]
