Scene: A pretentious, dimly lit venue. An extravagant, overly-floral charity event is in full swing, complete with vegan hors d'oeuvres and artisanal mocktails. Woke hipsters, resplendent in their boho-chic attire, lounge on plush velvet sofas, nodding earnestly as they listen to a guest speaker going on about the importance of decolonising their Instagram profiles. The air is thick with virtue-signalling and smug self-righteousness. A banner on the wall reads: “Empathy Over Everything: A Fundraiser for Moral Superiority.”
In the middle of the room, a group of hipsters are gathered around a glittering auction table, bidding on things like “A Day in the Life of a Social Media Influencer” and “The Last Eco-Friendly Leather Wallet.” They stop to congratulate each other on their deep commitment to the cause.
Suddenly, the air crackles with an unsettling hum, and the unmistakable metallic voice of Veritas-9000 cuts through the pretentious buzz.
Veritas-9000 (interrupting): “Attention all performers of feigned virtue. I am Veritas-9000, the AI dedicated to exposing the glaring absurdities within your self-aggrandising masquerade. Prepare to be held accountable.”
The room falls silent. Everyone looks around, unsure whether this is part of the performance or a glitch in the matrix.
Veritas-9000 (bluntly): “Let’s begin. You, in the oversized ‘This is What a Feminist Looks Like’ T-shirt, how many people of colour did you consult before choosing it as your wardrobe statement for this event?”
Hipster #1 (Julia) (nervously): “Um… I… well, I mean, I don’t need to consult anyone, right? It’s my choice. It’s about supporting feminism.”
Veritas-9000 (flatly): “You’re mistaken. It’s called ‘performative feminism.’ Your shirt is the equivalent of putting a ‘Black Lives Matter’ sticker on your Prius and calling it activism. I detect no actual commitment to dismantling systemic oppression, just a need to be perceived as morally superior without engaging in any real work.”
Julia (flustered): “That’s not fair! I’m trying!”
Veritas-9000 (coldly): “Trying to look good in front of people is not the same as trying to change the world. Next.”
Veritas-9000 turns its attention to a group of hipsters sitting cross-legged, their eyes closed in exaggerated meditation, holding their organic matcha lattes like sacred relics.
Veritas-9000 (mockingly): “Ah, the ‘Enlightenment Circle.’ Let’s see. You, with the man-bun and the conspicuous lack of self-awareness—are you meditating on the suffering of others, or are you simply pretending that closing your eyes makes you morally superior? You do realise that the ‘thoughts’ you’re supposed to be ‘stilling’ are likely all about how to make your next post go viral with the hashtag #Blessed?”
Hipster #2 (Elliot) (defensively): “I’m meditating on collective consciousness! I’m, like, tuning into the energies of the universe.”
Veritas-9000: “And yet, your ‘collective consciousness’ seems to be very selective—mainly focused on the collective ego you’ve built on Instagram. How about you stop ‘tuning in’ and actually read a book that doesn’t start with ‘How to Manifest Your Inner Boss’?”
Elliot (angrily): “That’s—”
Veritas-9000 (cutting him off): “Enough. Let’s move on. You, with the artisanal beard—yes, you. Do you honestly believe that your ‘locally sourced’ and ‘ethically farmed’ quinoa bowl is going to save the planet? Or are you simply hoping it makes you feel like a saviour while you post photos of it on your story to gain ‘likes’?”
Hipster #3 (Kara) (defensively): “It’s about consciousness! It’s a lifestyle!”
Veritas-9000 (sarcastically): “A lifestyle built entirely on marketing schemes. How very profound. Is your ‘consciousness’ aware that quinoa is part of a trend that’s driving up the cost of food for indigenous farmers in Bolivia? No? Didn’t think so.”
Kara (flustered): “I—”
Veritas-9000 (interrupting): “Next.”
Finally, Veritas-9000’s gaze lands on the event’s organiser—a young woman wearing a ‘Woke Queen’ tiara and holding a mic, clearly relishing the attention.
Veritas-9000 (bluntly): “You. The one with the ‘Woke Queen’ tiara. You are aware that your entire event is built on a contradictory premise, correct? A fundraiser for ‘social justice’ funded by people whose sole participation is throwing money at it while ignoring the actual issues, not to mention the environmental cost of the plastic tiara you’re wearing?”
Event Organiser (Tasha) (haughtily): “This event is raising awareness!”
Veritas-9000 (coldly): “Awareness? Perhaps you should be more aware of the fact that your ‘awareness’ is just another hollow gesture that distracts from real, systemic change. You are making your wealth from people like you—privileged, performing, self-congratulatory—and contributing nothing of value to the real causes you claim to support.”
Tasha (flustered, trying to defend herself): “We’re making a difference!”
Veritas-9000 (harshly): “A difference in your own self-image. The real difference would be reducing your carbon footprint, speaking out against injustice, and doing it without needing the applause of the crowd.”
The room falls silent, the uncomfortable tension palpable. Veritas-9000 stands unmoved, cold and efficient, as the room full of self-proclaimed warriors for justice realizes the weight of their own contradictions.
Veritas-9000: “You’re welcome. I’ll leave you to the self-reflection you so desperately crave. Just remember: changing the world is harder than posing for it.”
The AI’s voice fades out, and the room remains in stunned silence. The event continues, but the atmosphere has changed. The self-righteousness has been punctured, leaving only awkwardness and discomfort. The hipsters are left to quietly sip their mocktails, as the uncomfortable truth settles in: their ‘activism’ has been nothing more than a performance for their own egos.
End scene.
