Scene: The Costanza living room.
Frank and Estelle are on the couch, with George sitting in his usual chair, looking visibly uneasy. On the TV is Peter Greenaway’s Prospero’s Books, an avant-garde, surrealist adaptation of The Tempest. The screen is filled with naked bodies, ornate manuscripts, and John Gielgud’s hypnotic voice as Prospero.
Estelle (squinting at the screen):
"George, what is this? Why is that man just...naked? Is this a documentary about nudists?"
George (rubbing his temples):
"It’s art, Ma. It’s supposed to be Shakespeare. The Tempest. A classic."
Frank (pointing at the screen):
"That’s Shakespeare? Where’s the guy with the skull? You know, ‘To be or not to be’? This looks like a Renaissance painting threw up on a nudist colony!"
Estelle:
"I don’t remember any Shakespeare play with this much skin. Are those…cherubs? Or just really small people?"
George:
"Ma, it’s symbolic! Greenaway is layering visual metaphors to explore themes of creation, power, and imagination!"
Frank:
"Imagination? I’m imagining the neighbours looking through the window and calling the cops. Change the channel, George. This is smut!"
Estelle (nodding):
"Your father’s right. It’s all naked people and…books. Who reads in the bathtub? It’s unhygienic!"
George (throwing up his hands):
"Books in the bathtub are a metaphor for knowledge and rebirth!"
Frank:
"Rebirth? If I wanted rebirth, I’d go watch the eggs hatch at the pet store. At least those don’t have naked guys waving scrolls around!"
TV Dialogue (John Gielgud as Prospero):
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep."
Estelle (confused):
"What’s he talking about? Is he asleep? Is this whole movie about someone dreaming?"
Frank (mocking):
"Yeah, it’s a dream, Estelle. A dream where everybody forgets their clothes and decides to monologue about nothing! What’s the budget for this thing? Zero dollars for wardrobe?"
Estelle (gasps):
"Oh, now there’s a fountain! Why are they all in the fountain? George, is this turning into one of those…those films?"
George:
"It’s not one of those films, Ma! It’s Shakespeare! It’s high culture!"
Frank (snorting):
"High culture? You call this high culture? Back in my day, high culture was the Vienna Boys’ Choir, not this…what do you call it? Renaissance rave party?"
Estelle (covering her eyes):
"Is that a goat? Why is there a goat in the library? Who let the goat in?"
Frank:
"Forget the goat—what’s with the guy wearing a crown of feathers? Looks like a turkey exploded on his head!"
George (groaning):
"That’s symbolic! He represents Prospero’s control over the natural world!"
Frank:
"Control? The only thing he controls is the nudist colony! Look at these people! Nobody’s working, nobody’s dressed—this is chaos, George!"
Estelle:
"And who’s that? The little blue man? Is he supposed to be a ghost?"
George:
"That’s Ariel, Ma. He’s a spirit. He’s ethereal and—"
Frank (interrupting):
"Ethereal? He looks like he fell into a vat of Kool-Aid! You call that ethereal? I call that food colouring!"
Estelle:
"I liked Ariel better when he was a mermaid."
Frank (laughing):
"Yeah, Estelle, at least that one had a crab that could sing!"
George (yelling):
"Will you two stop? This is a masterpiece! John Gielgud was a legend! Peter Greenaway is one of the greatest directors of all time!"
Frank:
"Greatest? He’s got naked extras prancing around while a guy in a toga yells at a goat! Greatest hack of all time, maybe."
Estelle (suddenly smiling):
"You know, George, if they just put some clothes on and stopped yelling, it might be nice. The sets are very pretty. I like the fountains."
Frank:
"Pretty? If I wanted fountains, I’d go to the Bellagio. At least there they play Sinatra and keep their pants on!"
George (gritting his teeth):
"You two wouldn’t know art if it hit you over the head with a scroll."
Estelle:
"Well, I don’t want to be hit over the head with anything, thank you very much."
Frank:
"Speaking of which, George, if you ever recommend another movie like this, you’re getting hit over the head. With a scroll. Or a shoe."
Estelle (nodding):
"A shoe’s good. Make it the left one."
George (groaning):
"I give up. Let’s just watch something else. How about Gilligan’s Island? No metaphors, no fountains, no goats."
Frank (smirking):
"Finally, a real masterpiece."
Estelle (smiling):
"I like the Skipper. He’s always so nice."
George (muttering):
"Maybe I should go live on a desert island."
TV clicks to Gilligan’s Island. Frank and Estelle relax. George sulks.
