Opening Scene: The Cruise Deck
Frank struts on deck in a too-tight Hawaiian shirt, barking at the ship staff. Estelle follows, carrying an oversized sun hat that keeps getting caught in the wind. She’s already complaining about the “sea air making her hair frizz.”
Frank (to the captain):
"Where's the buffet? I paid good money for this cruise, and if I don’t see at least five trays of shrimp cocktail, heads are gonna roll!"
Estelle:
"Frank, you don’t even like shrimp. They give you gas!"
Frank:
"That’s not the shrimp, Estelle. That’s the stress of having to listen to you!"
Dining Room Shenanigans
Frank refuses to sit at his assigned table, demanding a "better view." They end up at a table with a sweet elderly couple celebrating their anniversary. Naturally, chaos ensues.
Estelle (to the elderly woman):
"You’ve been married 50 years? How do you stand him? Frank and I can’t get through lunch without a fight!"
Elderly Woman:
"We compromise. Love is about meeting halfway."
Frank:
"Meeting halfway? That’s a scam. Estelle doesn’t know what halfway is. Her ‘halfway’ is taking the whole bed, the whole blanket, and half my patience!"
Estelle:
"Frank, you snore! I need the space!"
Frank:
"I’m a war hero! I earned that space!"
(The elderly couple flees. Frank commandeers their champagne.)
The Pool Deck
Frank gets into a screaming match with the ship’s entertainment director over "pool rules."
Frank:
"No running? No cannonballs? This isn’t a pool; it’s a prison!"
Meanwhile, Estelle tries to join a water aerobics class but spends most of the time shouting at the instructor.
Estelle:
"Why are we splashing? Is this supposed to help my sciatica? And why is the water so cold? Frank, the water’s cold!"
Frank (lounging with a drink):
"Good. Maybe it’ll finally cool you off!"
The Meet-Cute on the Deck
Frank and Estelle are bickering near the shuffleboard court when they encounter a Dalek couple on their honeymoon. The Daleks are surprisingly romantic for genocidal robots, but their distinct personalities make them immediately polarising.
Estelle (to Frank):
"Frank, look! They’re… robots? Are they robots? I don’t know what they are, but they seem happy. Why can’t we be like them?"
Frank (to the Daleks):
"What are you doing here? Don’t you have planets to conquer or something?"
Romantic Dalek (in a smooth monotone):
"WE HAVE CONQUERED MANY PLANETS BUT FOUND LOVE IN EACH OTHER’S CIRCUITS. WE ARE HERE TO RECHARGE… AND CELEBRATE."
Frank:
"Celebrate what? Your total lack of a sense of humour?"
Sassy Dalek:
"THIS FROM A MAN WHOSE ENTIRE WARDROBE SCREAMS ‘OUTLET SALE!’"
Frank (flabbergasted):
"You hear that, Estelle? The trash can’s got jokes!"
Poolside Drama
The Daleks decide to try human activities, which goes as well as you’d expect. The romantic Dalek attempts to enter the pool for a "relaxing dip" but sinks immediately.
Romantic Dalek (from the bottom of the pool):
"THIS IS… NOT AS RELAXING AS ADVERTISED."
Meanwhile, the sassy Dalek insists on a game of pool volleyball and has no concept of sportsmanship.
Sassy Dalek:
"PREPARE TO BE ANNIHILATED, HUMANS! SERVE THE BALL! SERVE IT NOW!"
Frank:
"Annihilated? It’s volleyball, not World War III!"
Estelle spends most of the game shouting at Frank. "Stop arguing with the robot and hit the ball, Frank! Hit it!"
Frank spikes the ball, which bounces harmlessly off the Dalek’s armour and lands in the buffet. The Dalek responds by zapping the net into oblivion.
Sassy Dalek (triumphant):
"VICTORY! THE NET HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!"
