Chad (grinning like a cat who’s just discovered the internet): Welcome, seekers of the one true reality! Here, in the land of absolute certainty, we embrace the truth that others are too afraid to face. Our knowledge is so pure, so untainted, that even science can’t handle it!
Debbie (wearing oversized glasses, nodding eagerly): That’s right, Chad! We’re the underdogs of knowledge. The ones who know the truth, even if the mainstream media tries to suppress it! I read on a blog that the entire scientific community is secretly funded by the moon... to promote roundness!
Chad (pounding the podium): Exactly, Debbie! And let’s not forget the vaccines. We all know they’re just a way for the government to implant microchips in our bodies. It’s simple science—the less we understand, the more we’re able to control them!
Steve (clutching a sign that says "Global Warming is Fake News" with pride): Hold on! I’ve got the facts, Chad! I read a YouTube video about how the whole ice age was just a misunderstanding. The glaciers were actually just misunderstood mountains, and all this talk about "rising sea levels"? That’s just the tide coming in at the wrong time. It's a miscommunication!
Debbie (interjecting with the fervour of someone whose brain is on full deflect): I saw a chart that proved vaccines cause time travel! Not only are they harmful, they’re giving us all the ability to jump between different timelines! I was in a timeline where my dog could talk—now he's silent! Who's responsible for this?!
Chad (nodding sagely): Ah, yes! Vaccines warp the very fabric of reality. That’s why time loops are happening! I’ve been to the future—well, I saw it in a dream. The world will be exactly the same, except with fewer scientific facts, more freedom to believe in the quantum power of essential oils, and absolutely no global warming.
Steve (mysteriously, as though he's solved the greatest riddle): Global warming is a hoax. It’s all caused by space cows. Yes, space cows. They’ve been emitting too much methane from their UFOs. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s in the history books—just look it up. You won't find it in schools because they don’t want you to know.
Chad (smiling confidently): Exactly. We know the truth, and that’s why we’re able to stand tall in the face of ridicule. We're ahead of the curve. Everyone else—the so-called "scientists"—they’re just afraid to admit that we, the enlightened few, have unlocked the secrets of the universe. If we don’t know something, it’s because it’s a government cover-up!
Debbie (nodding vigorously, slapping her forehead as if it’s the most obvious revelation ever): Oh! And the moon landing? Totally staged. The flag wasn’t waving because there was wind on the moon. No, no—it was waving because they were secretly filming in a studio in the Bermuda Triangle!
Chad (growing increasingly passionate): It’s true! They used green screen technology from the 1960s, perfected by NASA's secret department of Reverse Time Physics! We’ve all been lied to, but we can’t let that stop us. The Earth is flat because gravity is a myth! It’s just a trick of the mind.
Steve (pointing at a map of the world drawn on a napkin): Exactly! And the best part? We don’t need science to explain anything. Why would we, when we have the power of belief on our side? Let’s face it—every time a scientist tells us something, it’s just a distraction. I’m sure if we all just believe hard enough, the Earth will turn into a giant marshmallow!
Debbie (grinning triumphantly): And when it does, we’ll be the ones who knew it all along. The rest of the world will be playing catch-up, trying to catch up with our superior intellect. And you know what? We’ll probably be the first to set foot on that marshmallow and declare it an independent country!
Chad (arms spread wide, as though unveiling a new religion): We are the chosen ones—the keepers of the ultimate truth! The world will see us for what we are: the pioneers of collective ignorance, the heralds of delusion! And when the rest of them wake up, they’ll be too embarrassed to admit they were wrong.
Steve (eyes widening in realisation): So... when do we start teaching this to the kids? In schools, I mean. We’ll give them all the tools to embrace nothing—that’s the true foundation of the future! The younger they are, the more open their minds are to nonsense!
Chad (clapping his hands together with enthusiasm): Yes! We’ll start the Great Re-education Program! No more books. No more learning. Just pure belief. Imagine a world where everyone knows nothing and is happy about it!
End Scene
