Trump at a Rally:
“Folks, let me tell you, nobody—and I mean nobody—has done more for Black people than me. Not Lincoln, not Martin Luther King Jr., not even Beyoncé. They all called me, folks. They said, ‘Sir, thank you for what you’re doing.’ And now, I’m here to say it: we’re going to make Blacks great again! Believe me.”
(A mixed cheer and awkward silence ripple through the crowd.)
“Now, first, we need to fix the economy for Black Americans. Under me, Black unemployment was the lowest in history. Lowest ever. Some say I cured it! Nobody’s ever cured unemployment before, folks, but I did it, and I’ll do it again. Black Americans love me. I have polls—great polls—that prove it. They’re at least 100% accurate, maybe more.”
(A man in the back whispers, “Wait, did he just say he cured unemployment?”)
“And let’s talk about culture. Hip-hop? Tremendous! I love it. They all talk about me in their songs—Kanye, Ice Cube, Lil Pump. Even when they’re being mean, they’re still talking about me. That’s influence, folks. I inspired an entire culture! But let’s elevate it. Instead of rapping about problems, let’s rap about solutions. Like tax cuts. Or infrastructure. That’s what I’d call Bigly Beats.”
(A small group starts chanting, “Bigly Beats! Bigly Beats!” while others cringe visibly.)
“And let’s make history great again! I want statues of great Black Americans. We’ll keep Harriet Tubman and Frederick Douglass, of course—Douglass is doing amazing things right now, amazing. But we need new statues. Like one of Kanye, holding a MAGA hat, or Diamond and Silk. We’re building a legacy here, folks!”
(The crowd claps awkwardly, while a historian faints in the back.)
“And education! Nobody’s done more for Black colleges than me. Historically Black Colleges and Universities—HBCUs—they call me the saviour of education. But let’s expand it: Historically Trump Universities. Think about it! Black students learning about winning. Nobody wins like me.”
(Scattered applause as someone mutters, “Isn’t Trump University defunct?”)
“Folks, when I say we’re making Blacks great again, I mean all of them. Every single one. They’re already great, but with me? They’ll be tremendous. Believe me.”
(Wild applause from some, while others stare at him in stunned disbelief.)
