The scene is set in a packed arena, filled with spectators who seem far more observant than usual. A giant banner reads: "MAKE SELF-CONTRADICTION GREAT AGAIN." Trump walks on stage, wearing an oversized, red cap that says "I KNOW WHAT I THINK," but with no logos. The crowd cheers—hesitantly.
"Folks! Welcome! This is going to be the greatest rally in history. I know what you're thinking—'How can a guy like me, a huge success, be part of something so self-contradictory?' But guess what? I’m the best at everything. And I can make contradictions—tremendous contradictions—work for you."
The crowd claps, but you can sense the wheels turning in some heads. A few are raising eyebrows, ready for the paradoxical onslaught.
"Let me tell you: We’re going to make America so great that it doesn’t even matter if it’s terrible anymore. That’s what I do—I create greatness by making things appear totally messed up, but secretly awesome. We’ve got the best bad ideas in this country—truly incredible ideas. People say they’re bad, but I call them bold."
An elderly gentleman in the front row raises his hand:
"Mr. Trump, you’ve been promising to ‘make America great again’ for years, but... doesn’t that imply we’re not great already?"
Trump grins.
"Exactly! That’s why we’re going to make it more great by admitting it’s not great. You get it, right? You want the ultimate greatness? You’ve got to start by realising you’re failing first. That’s what makes us win!"
The crowd pauses, trying to process, but then claps, awkwardly unsure of whether they should agree.
"Now, let’s talk jobs, folks. People are always complaining, ‘Oh, there aren’t enough jobs!’ Well, guess what? We’re going to create jobs by getting rid of jobs. Trust me, it’s going to work. We’ll bring back the greatest economy by destroying the old system. So, no more work. But everyone will be richer! Big business deals, folks. Big."
A woman in the back pipes up:
"But if no one works, how will people make money?"
Trump points to her, shaking his finger:
"That’s the genius! You don’t need work to make money. Just believe you’re rich, and you’ll be rich. It’s about attitude, okay? You’ll have money, you’ll feel rich, and then the economy will be great. It’s all about vibes."
The woman exchanges looks with the person next to her, both nodding cautiously but confused.
"And healthcare, folks—healthcare. We’re going to fix it by making it worse. We’re cutting all the regulations, and trust me, you’ll love it. No more red tape, no more insurance companies. You know what that means? FREE HEALTHCARE. But you might have to pay for it—somehow, someday, somewhere. But it’s free in spirit."
A young man near the front leans forward:
"But if it’s free, why are we paying for it?"
Trump flashes a confident smile:
"Listen, listen—if you’re paying for something, that means you’re getting it. And if you're getting it, it means it’s free. So technically, it’s the freest thing ever. It’s an illusion. But the best one."
The crowd murmurs, some nodding, some simply scratching their heads.
"Finally, the environment. You hear a lot about climate change, right? But I’m telling you, folks—climate change is the best thing for the environment. We need more pollution! That’s right. More pollution equals better air, better water, better everything! I’m a master at reversing problems, and I’ll fix climate change by making it worse. Then, it’ll be fixed. It’s simple!"
A person in the back raises a finger:
"So, if you make the environment worse, it will get better?"
Trump laughs.
"Exactly. You’re understanding. It’s like when you make a terrible decision, and then you turn it around. That’s how you win."
As the rally reaches its climax, Trump holds up a sign that reads: "WE’RE GOING TO MAKE THIS THE GREATEST FAILURE IN HISTORY." The crowd is now caught in a whirlwind of awkward applause. They don’t know if they should be applauding or questioning their own existence, but they keep clapping, unsure of anything except the certainty that this is going to be remembered as… something.
