Scene: The Divine Customer Service Hotline
The scene opens in an ethereal office space somewhere in the celestial bureaucracy. The floors shimmer like gold, but the cubicles are depressingly beige—a reminder that even in the heavens, bureaucracy reigns supreme. A glowing neon sign reads: "Heavenly Customer Service - Your Complaints Matter (Probably)."
God sits at a slightly too-small desk, a headset perched awkwardly over His majestic white hair. His iconic robes are slightly crumpled, and He’s sipping from a celestial latte cup that reads: “World’s Best Boss (Also Creator).” The latte foam has formed a little halo.
The phone system beeps incessantly as calls from mortals flood the lines. There’s a massive queue displayed on a divine monitor above His desk: Current Call Queue: 46,752,890.
God sighs, adjusts His headset, and presses the blinking button for the next call.
Caller #1: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”
God: “No, really, it’s a lovely mindfulness exercise. Next caller!”
(He presses the button with a sigh. A cherub floats by, handing Him another cosmic latte.)
Caller #3: “...That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?”
God: “I thought it was pretty good! Next!”
As the calls continue, God grows visibly more frustrated. The latte supply starts to dwindle, and the cherubs are struggling to keep up. Suddenly, a notification pops up on His computer screen: "Incoming Escalated Complaint: Satan is on Line 666."
God stares at the screen for a moment, groaning.
God: “Not again.”
He picks up the call, already bracing Himself.
God: “Look, I don’t have time for this. I’ve got 46 million people waiting to complain about... everything.”
God: “Goodbye, Satan.”
(He slams the phone down, muttering under His breath.)
As the scene fades out, God sits back in His chair, staring at the never-ending queue of mortal complaints. He takes a deep breath, picks up the next call, and repeats the greeting with weary resignation:
God: “Thank you for calling Heavenly Customer Service. This is God speaking. How may I help you today?”
And somewhere in the universe, a mortal sighs with relief, not realising they’ve just called the source of their complaints.
