Scene: Elon Musk’s "Revolutionary Terraforming Summit"
A grand stage is set with a giant hologram of Mars looming in the background. Elon Musk, sporting his signature leather jacket and confident smirk, is pacing as he explains his bold plans to terraform the Red Planet. Enter The Absurdist and his penguin sidekick.
Elon Musk: (gesturing dramatically)
We’re not just building a city on Mars. We’re building the city—an interplanetary utopia where innovation thrives and humanity evolves beyond Earth’s petty constraints.
The Absurdist: (nodding thoughtfully)
Fascinating vision, Elon. But... have you considered terraforming something a bit more, you know, local first? Like, say... your backyard?
Elon Musk: (pauses)
My backyard?
The Absurdist:
Yes, hear me out! Start small, perfect the process. Think: A microcosm of Mars in your garden. Martian sandboxes! Atmospheric domes for your pet robots. You could even release genetically modified mosquitos to simulate alien life!
The Penguin: (snorts, barely holding it together)
Alien... mosquitos? Oh, this is gold. Write it down. Write it all down.
Elon Musk: (tilts his head, intrigued)
Hmm. A Mars prototype in my backyard. That’s... not terrible. But it’s not bold enough. We need scale!
The Absurdist: (leaning in conspiratorially)
Ah, but what if we scale down instead? Picture this: Mars, but tiny. A pocket-sized planet! You could carry it in your jacket. A personal Mars for every investor. The ultimate status symbol.
The Penguin: (loses it)
I can’t breathe! A pocket Mars! The man’s going to make billions selling cosmic paperweights!
Elon Musk: (nodding, entirely serious)
Interesting. Pocket Mars... could integrate with Neuralink. An augmented reality experience of planetary ownership. Investors would love it.
The Absurdist:
Precisely! And for the deluxe package, they can terraform it themselves! A mini flamethrower to ignite the atmosphere, perhaps?
The Penguin: (collapsing into laughter)
Flamethrowers! For planets! He’s going to do it. I swear he’s going to do it!
Elon Musk: (oblivious to the penguin’s hysteria)
I like where your head’s at. But let’s not stop there. Why terraform one planet when we can terraform all of them? Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus—let’s terraform the gas giants too.
The Absurdist: (pretending to be deeply impressed)
Bold! Though I do have one question—what colour will the clouds of Uranus be? We need to consider aesthetics here.
The Penguin: (crying with laughter)
Clouds of Uranus! I’m done. I’m absolutely done.
Elon Musk: (narrowing his eyes, as though struck by brilliance)
A good point. Cyan, I think. It conveys calmness, but also progress.
The Absurdist:
Naturally. And perhaps a giant, neon Tesla logo in orbit. To remind the universe who did it first.
The Penguin: (wheezing)
Oh, this is too much. Elon’s branding the cosmos now!
Elon Musk: (nodding solemnly)
Yes. Branding is key. Intergalactic marketing—it’s the future.
The Absurdist:
Elon, you’re not just a pioneer—you’re a cosmic visionary. Shall we move on to the next frontier? Terraforming time itself!
The Penguin: (laughing uncontrollably)
Terraforming time! Someone stop him!
Elon Musk: (staring into the distance)
Time... yes. Why should it flow linearly? We could loop it, fold it. I’ll have my team work on it.
The Penguin: (collapsing onto the floor)
He’s looping time now. I’m done. Just bury me on Pocket Mars.
And the curtain falls on Musk brainstorming his next groundbreaking, utterly impractical venture while The Absurdist and his penguin leave in stitches.
