Scene: The Birth of Hyper-Wokeism
At an exclusive café in the heart of a gentrified neighbourhood, a small group of the most forward-thinking, ethically superior hipsters gather to unveil the first manifesto of Hyper-Wokeism. Each is dressed in outfits that are, of course, entirely bespoke and manufactured by artisans who personally identify as non-binary goats.
Leader of the Movement, known only as “Vee”:
Vee stands on a minimalist table constructed from ethically harvested bones (but only from animals that voluntarily consented to be eaten). Their hair is an ever-changing holographic pattern.
“Friends, it is time. Wokeness is dead, and from its ashes rises the phoenix of Hyper-Wokeism—an enlightenment so intense, it burns through the very fabric of irony.”
Supporter 1, slightly smug, but unsure:
“I’m not sure I’m ready for this. Is it… more woke than woke?”
Vee:
“Exactly. Woke is simply the beginning, the baseline. Hyper-Wokeism is beyond critique because it transcends the very concept of critique. How can you critique something that critiques the very act of critique itself? It’s a state of perpetual enlightenment. A kind of woke transcendence, but with no visible means of support.”
Supporter 2, nodding sagely:
“So, like… no one can be woke enough to criticize it?”
Vee:
“Precisely. But it’s also self-critique on a meta-level. It critiques itself for existing as a critique, while simultaneously existing as the critique of the critique of critique. The essence of Hyper-Wokeism is the unapproachable purity of its own contradictions.”
Supporter 3, who is uncomfortably adjusting their vegan ascot:
“So, does it, like, support diversity of thought, or is that… too last-century?”
Vee:
“Diversity of thought is a colonialist relic of a time when we were still ‘thinking.’ We don’t think anymore. We exist in an infinite loop of intersectional nirvana, where the boundaries of thought are mere social constructs. The true diversity is the pure, infinite, non-dialectical state of being.”
Supporter 1:
“So… we don’t talk anymore?”
Vee:
“Exactly. Conversations are inherently violent. Hyper-Wokeism transcends speech, communication, and even existence. It’s simply being in the moment of total awareness, without needing to label it as ‘woke’ or ‘Hyper-Woke.’ We can’t define it. To define it would be to limit it. So, it’s undefinable. But anyone who doesn’t understand it is clearly problematic.”
Supporter 2:
“Are you saying… we’ve reached the end of woke? Is there anywhere left to go?”
Vee, staring into the middle distance as if seeing a vision of perfect clarity:
“We’ve moved beyond ‘woke’ as a term. Wokeness itself is an imperialist framework now. The real revolution is one of pure non-existence, an ascension to the state where the ‘woke’ label itself no longer holds any value because we are beyond all forms of value.”
Supporter 3:
“Wait, so are we still allowed to post on Instagram about this?”
Vee:
“Instagram is inherently oppressive, but we’re creating a new platform, naturally. It’s called ‘Post-No-Post,’ a place where nothing is shared and everything is implied. Only those who already know will be able to understand its deeper significance. We are so far ahead, they’re still living in the age of accountability.”
The meeting ends with everyone nodding solemnly while they adjust their biodegradable monocles, knowing that the moment of Hyper-Wokeism’s birth has irreversibly altered the course of history—but, of course, no one will ever be able to quite understand it. Not even them.
