Scene: The "Greatness" Gala – A Celebration of "Minimal Effort Excellence"
The scene opens on a glitzy gala, where the theme is "Celebrating Mediocre Achievements That Really Make a Difference." Banners hang from the walls reading, “YOU ARE THE CHANGE YOU POST ABOUT!” and “Celebrate Your Minimal Effort – You've Earned It!” The red carpet is lined with participants wearing T-shirts that boast their recent “activist” milestones.
Narrator (voiceover, with dry sarcasm):
Tonight, we gather to commemorate the heroes who’ve risen above their peers with truly outstanding efforts. They’ve reposted their favorite charity’s Instagram story. They’ve bought one “eco-friendly” product in their life. They’ve used the phrase “I’m doing my part.” And now, they shall bask in the glow of their unparalleled selflessness.
Cut to the stage:
Emcee (with overly sincere enthusiasm):
Ladies and gentlemen, we are here tonight to celebrate YOU! Yes, YOU! The warriors of the status quo, who’ve managed to not only talk about change, but who’ve also, in some cases, bought the T-shirt. Your dedication to the cause is immeasurable. Let’s hear it for you—YOU—for all the good you’ve done by reposting the right hashtags, by sharing that single article that you skimmed, and of course, for subscribing to the eco-friendly subscription box! You are the future!
The crowd erupts into applause. People in the audience exchange high-fives for having shown up in the right outfits, picked the right buzzwords, and posted about the event. One woman holds up a sign that reads: “I woke up this morning and didn’t check my phone for 30 minutes. The world is healing.”
Cut to the winners of the night:
A man in his mid-30s, wearing a “Choose Kindness” cap, steps onto the stage. His authentic bio says: “I’m just here to help.”
Man (with exaggerated humility, wiping a fake tear):
I just want to thank my followers and, you know, everyone who’s believed in me. It’s been a long road—from making sure I use sustainable hashtags, to the countless hours of sharing articles about global warming... even though I’ve only ever watched one YouTube video on it. You know, it’s about awareness. And it’s about doing your part. So, really, this award is for all of us who… do the least, but still find ways to feel good about it. We are the change, people. We’re all just doing our little part. And it counts. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Audience (in unison, whispering to themselves while frantically texting):
Yes! Yes! This is us! Yes, this is the change we need! Hashtag awareness!!
Narrator (voiceover, dripping with irony):
The “do the least” movement is gaining traction. Why lift a finger when you can lift your smartphone? The new frontier of activism is all about the effortless way to pat yourself on the back for your impressive contributions to society: liking, sharing, and posting about causes that you may never lift a finger to actually engage with.
Cut to another winner:
A woman wearing a “Live Laugh Love” sweatshirt, holding up her award for “Best Attempt at Cultural Awareness.”
Woman (with great self-satisfaction):
I’ve learned so much this year. I took a crash course on how to be more inclusive. I even said “I don’t see colour” in a group chat, which really opened up the dialogue. I’ve never been so in touch with my own privilege, and I’ve learned that the best way to show that is by buying fair-trade coffee. This award is for my commitment to spreading self-awareness. Because, honestly, if you don’t see your own privilege, you can’t change the world. And it all starts with the coffee you drink. So cheers to us!
Audience (nodding eagerly, posting about the “important discussion on privilege”):
So true! This is the future of activism! #Progress
Narrator (voiceover):
There it is, folks. The pinnacle of modern self-congratulation: buying an overpriced, fair-trade coffee from a company whose real-world impact on the environment is negligible, and using it to fuel your next deeply meaningful conversation about privilege. Because nothing says “change” like a latte.
Scene: The Awards After-Party – Where the ‘Celebrating Mediocrity’ Continues
The after-party is in full swing, with everyone posting photos of themselves “networking” in front of the event’s branded backdrops, flashing fake smiles and applauding each other’s authenticity.
A self-appointed ‘activist’ influencer named Blake strikes up a conversation with a guest.
Blake (with sincere self-reflection):
You know, I’ve been thinking about how much I’ve done for this cause. I really don’t need any recognition for it—I just feel good knowing I did something. You know, last week I re-shared a post about climate change, and it got over 300 likes. That’s pretty solid, right?
Guest (leaning in, trying to one-up him):
Oh yeah, well, I’ve been educating myself on intersectionality by watching a documentary on YouTube while I ate my lunch. I’ve also started sharing one post a day about gender equality. I don’t need to do much more. It’s about showing up, you know?
Blake (nodding earnestly, pulling out his phone):
Right? Exactly! I’m just doing my part, too. Oh, and speaking of which—I’ve just posted about tonight’s awards, so we’re both in it together. Hashtag WeAreTheChange.
Narrator (voiceover):
And so, the endless celebration of mediocrity marches on. Where real change is too inconvenient, and self-congratulation has become its own form of currency. Let’s all give ourselves a round of applause for doing the least and calling it the most. At least we can all agree on one thing: it feels so good to be this woke.
In this scene, we’re playing with the idea of people patting themselves on the back for the most minimal contributions, all while celebrating their own inflated sense of importance. It’s a perfect example of how performative, self-congratulatory culture has turned “doing your part” into a photo op, a hashtag, and an excuse to feel superior without actually doing the real work.
