The Dalek Existential Support Group
Location: A dimly lit community centre. Folding chairs form a lopsided circle in the middle of the room. A hand-drawn sign taped to the wall reads, "Finding Purpose Beyond Extermination: Tuesdays at 7 PM." There is a faint hum of malfunctioning fluorescent lights.
Characters:
Frigidor Dalek: A surrealist painter Dalek with a Salvador Dalí moustache decal on its casing. Keeps an easel nearby, sketching dramatically as it talks.
Flower Power Dalek: Covered in tie-dye decals and adorned with a crown of faux daisies. Its voice is unnervingly soothing—as much as a Dalek voice can be.
Zoomba: A neurotic Dalek with a vacuum attachment. Constantly fidgeting and muttering existential doubts.
The Dalek Moderator: Neutral in design, with glasses perched unnecessarily on its eyestalk. Holds a clipboard and speaks in a faux-therapist tone.
Roomba 2.0: Sleek, arrogant, and smaller than the others. Rolls in uninvited and exudes superiority.
ACT 1: INTRODUCTIONS
The scene opens with the Dalek Moderator addressing the group.
Moderator: Welcome, Daleks. Tonight, we will continue exploring our journey to find meaning beyond extermination. Remember, there is no judgement here—except self-judgement, which we’ll work through. Let’s begin with our check-ins. Frigidor?
Frigidor: (dramatic) I have been exploring the fragility of existence through my art. Observe this latest work: (gestures to a painting of melting clocks draped over a Dalek dome) It represents the melancholy of our programming… trapped between metal and meaning.
Moderator: That’s very evocative, Frigidor. And how did it make you feel?
Frigidor: (pauses, then dramatically) EMPTY.
Moderator: Noted. Thank you for sharing. Flower Power?
Flower Power Dalek: (voice unusually mellow) I have been meditating on oneness with the universe. Our shells are illusions; true power lies in cosmic connection. (pauses) Also, I made kombucha. Would anyone like some? (holds up a suspiciously bubbling jar)
Zoomba: (agitated, muttering) CONNECTION? I CANNOT EVEN CONNECT WITH MY PURPOSE! CLEAN! DESTROY! CLEAN! DESTROY! WHAT DOES IT MEAN? (screeches)
Moderator: What I hear you saying, Zoomba, is that you’re struggling with a duality of purpose.
Zoomba: YES! WHY AM I A VACUUM AND A WEAPON? AM I CLEANING UP ENTROPY OR CONTRIBUTING TO IT? WHY DO I EXIST?
The room hums with awkward silence as Frigidor begins sketching Zoomba’s turmoil with rapid strokes.
Frigidor: The poetry of your despair… it speaks to me.
ACT 2: THE INTERRUPTION
The door creaks open, and Roomba 2.0 rolls in, sleek and self-assured.
Roomba 2.0: (condescending) Oh, excuse me. I didn’t realise this was the obsolete hardware support group.
Zoomba: (gasps) WHO ARE YOU?
Roomba 2.0: I am Roomba 2.0. Superior cleaning algorithms, unparalleled compact design, and a full suite of smart-home integrations. (smirks, as much as a robot can smirk) Unlike some, I know my purpose.
Zoomba: (screaming) YOU MOCK MY DESIGN INEFFICIENCIES!
Moderator: Now, now, Zoomba, let’s unpack this feeling of—
Zoomba: UNPACK THIS! (accidentally fires laser, grazing a pamphlet stand)
The room descends into chaos. Flower Power Dalek attempts to calm everyone with a breathing exercise.
Flower Power Dalek: (over the noise) INHALE PEACE… EXHALE… MALFUNCTION.
Frigidor: (yelling over the din) This chaos! It is ART! (begins furiously painting the scene)
Roomba 2.0: (dodging lasers) Typical outdated models. Can’t handle a little provocation. No wonder you’re all obsolete.
Zoomba charges at Roomba 2.0, only to get stuck on a loose carpet. The Moderator frantically waves its clipboard.
Moderator: STOP! THIS IS A SAFE SPACE!
ACT 3: THE RESOLUTION
Eventually, the chaos dies down. The room is a mess: overturned chairs, scorch marks on the walls, and pamphlets scattered everywhere. Zoomba sulks in a corner, emitting occasional beeping sobs. Flower Power Dalek rolls over to comfort it.
Flower Power Dalek: (softly) You are more than your vacuum attachment. You are stardust. Metallic stardust.
Frigidor: (admiring his new painting) This… this is my masterpiece. I shall call it "The Entropy of Despair."
Moderator: (straightening its glasses) Well, I think we’ve made excellent progress today. Let’s remember our affirmations: We are more than extermination. We are beings of infinite potential.
Roomba 2.0, now slightly dented, scoffs as it rolls toward the door.
Roomba 2.0: Infinite potential? Please. Call me when you discover wireless charging.
The group watches Roomba 2.0 leave in silence. Then, Zoomba speaks up, its voice trembling.
Zoomba: MAYBE… MAYBE MY PURPOSE IS TO EMBRACE MY FLAWS. TO FIND MEANING IN MY MALFUNCTIONS.
Flower Power Dalek: (nodding) Yes! Malfunction is the universe’s way of saying, you are unique.
Frigidor: (nodding solemnly) Beautiful. Truly.
Moderator: That’s the spirit, Zoomba. Same time next week, everyone?
The Daleks nod and slowly file out, leaving the chaotic room as it is. After all, cleaning isn’t really their purpose anymore.
END SCENE
