INT. DEL BOCA VISTA RECREATION HALL – NIGHT
A heated town hall meeting is underway. FRANK COSTANZA, veins bulging, stands at the podium, gripping the microphone like it's personally insulted him. Across the room, YOSEMITE SAM, in full cowboy getup, twirls his moustache and glares like a firecracker ready to blow.
FRANK: Alright, let’s talk about this so-called ‘community enhancement project!’ You wanna put a SALOON next to the shuffleboard courts?
YOSEMITE SAM: Dagnabbit, it ain't no saloon! It’s an old-fashioned, rootin’-tootin’ WATERIN’ HOLE fer distinguished gentlefolk!
FRANK: Oh yeah? You know what I see? I see a bunch of frail retirees trying to enjoy a quiet game of pinochle while some pint-sized lunatic fires pistols in the air! You can’t bring livestock into a gated community, Sam!
YOSEMITE SAM: I’LL DO WHATEVER I DARN WELL PLEASE, YA VARMINT! I BEEN RUNNIN’ ESTABLISHMENTS SINCE YOU WERE IN SHORT PANTS!
FRANK: I still wear short pants! They're comfortable!
YOSEMITE SAM: Well, they make ya look like a dadgum overgrown BABY!
FRANK: YOU WANNA GO, MOUSTACHE?! I’VE BEEN IN HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT WITH KOREAN BUTCHERS!
YOSEMITE SAM: I WRESTLED A GRIZZLY BEAR JUST TO GET A DECENT BREAKFAST!
FRANK: I ONCE FOUGHT A MAN OVER A TV DINNER!
YOSEMITE SAM: I ATE A WHOLE CACTUS JUST TO WIN A BET!
They stare each other down. The tension could be cut with a butter knife, if butter knives weren’t already banned from Del Boca Vista due to an incident.
Suddenly, ESTELLE COSTANZA shuffles up behind Frank.
ESTELLE: Frank, sit down. You’re giving yourself a hernia.
FRANK: NOT NOW, ESTELLE! I AM DEFENDING OUR COMMUNITY FROM A MOUSTACHED NUISANCE!
YOSEMITE SAM: YA NO-GOOD CITY-SLICKIN’ BUZZARD!
Frank tears off his shirt.
FRANK: YOU WANNA SEE WHO'S A CITY SLICKER?! LET’S RUMBLE, COWBOY!
Suddenly, SECURITY GUARDS rush in and haul them both out. As they’re dragged away, they’re still screaming at each other—
FRANK: SERENITY NOW!
YOSEMITE SAM: CONSARN IT, LET ME GO! I’LL BLAST Y’ALL TO KINGDOM COME!
The meeting resumes. The motion to ban spittoons passes unanimously.