Setting: Sartre’s No Exit—A Room of Eternal Suffering
The room is dark, featureless, and oddly comforting in its starkness. There’s no escape, no windows, no doors. Just three chairs, facing each other. The only source of light seems to emanate from within the room itself, a dull, unfeeling glow.
Enter: Frank Costanza, the Flat-Earther, and a woke hipster.
The First Moment: “What is this place?”
Frank (looking around): “What is this, some kind of hotel lobby? No bellhops, no coffee. I’m getting the worst service!”
Flat-Earther (looking around with suspicion): “This is some kind of simulation, isn’t it? This room is fake. There’s no real exit because this place isn’t real. It’s all part of the matrix!”
Woke Hipster (seriously inspecting the room): “You guys aren’t even seeing it. This is an existential reflection of the societal structures we’re trapped in. We’re all complicit in perpetuating the cycle of violence and oppression by engaging in this consumerist hellscape.”
Frank (turning to the Hipster, incredulously): “Oh, please, spare me the self-righteous speech! I’ve had enough of that from my son-in-law. This is just some scam to get people to believe in their own misery!”
Flat-Earther (gesturing wildly): “I’m telling you, the Earth is flat! This room is a metaphor for the flat Earth! You’re all too blinded by the round world propaganda to see it!”
Woke Hipster (smiling smugly): “Oh, honey, the only thing that's flat is your privilege. Your refusal to engage with reality is part of the problem. Maybe if you understood intersectionality, you wouldn’t be so... misinformed.”
Frank (slamming his hand on a chair): “That’s it! I don’t need any of this! I didn’t ask to be stuck in this room with a bunch of... philosophical babblers!”
The Discussion: “Existential Crisis, Anyone?”
With everyone seated, a strange silence falls. It’s as if the room is waiting for something. The tension begins to rise.
Flat-Earther (adamantly): “You all just don’t get it. The truth is that there is no... you know... edge to the world. The whole system of knowledge is rigged. All this talk about meaning? It’s nonsense! There’s no real meaning! It’s all about control!”
Frank (rolling his eyes): “Yeah, yeah, the system is rigged. I’m sure I’m just a pawn in your little flat Earth conspiracy. Meanwhile, I’m stuck in hell with two people who can’t even make up their minds if they’re crazy or just pretending.”
Woke Hipster (with intense seriousness): “That’s because you’re too ingrained in the capitalist, patriarchal system to see how we’re all suffering. You’re trapped by your internalised oppression.”
Frank (leaning back in his chair, muttering): “You really want me to believe you? I can’t even figure out how I ended up in this room with you people. I thought hell was supposed to have fire, not philosophy.”
The Absurd Realisation: “No Exit”
As the bickering intensifies, the room grows colder, more suffocating. There’s no way out, and the weight of their existential isolation sinks in.
Frank (frustrated, gesturing around): “What is this? I can’t take it! No doors, no windows, no exit—just a room full of nonsense! What the hell am I supposed to do here?!”
Flat-Earther (calmly): “You’re all missing the point. This room is like the Earth. It’s flat, and it goes on forever. There’s no exit because there’s no edge. There’s no reason to keep looking for one. This is just the way things are, and you need to accept it.”
Woke Hipster (with an ironic laugh): “That’s cute. You’re still talking about ‘edges,’ while I’m sitting here, aware that our personal ‘exits’ are just a reflection of the systemic oppression we’ve internalised. We can’t escape it, Frank.”
Frank (snapping): “Oh, I get it now! You’ve all been lying to yourselves this whole time. There’s no exit because this whole thing is just a joke. This room? This life? The whole philosophy? It’s all meaningless. The more I sit here, the more it hits me: This is like trying to find a remote control in a pool of Jell-O. You’re never going to get it, no matter how hard you try!”
Woke Hipster (seriously): “No, Frank. You’re still missing it. It’s not about getting out, it’s about redefining what ‘exit’ means. Maybe we should start from a place of radical acceptance.”
Frank (throwing his hands up): “Radical acceptance?! Who the hell needs that?! I just want to leave this nightmare and get back to the real world—the one where at least I have control over my own damn life!”
The Final Twist: “No Escape”
As time passes, Frank begins to spiral. His frustration intensifies, the absurdity of his eternal punishment wearing on him. The Flat-Earther starts to retreat into his own delusions, still refusing to see the reality of their situation. The woke hipster, on the other hand, continues to meditate on the meaning of their shared damnation, offering solutions that grow more abstract and detached.
The room remains cold, featureless, and forever still. No doors, no windows. Just endless banter.
Frank (slumped in his chair): “You know, maybe we’re all just stuck here forever. But if I have to listen to another lecture on privilege or flat Earth, I’m going to lose my mind!”
Woke Hipster (with deep, finality): “You’re just awakening to the truth, Frank. This room, this existential situation—this is your radical transformation.”
Flat-Earther (eyes wide): “No, no, we’ve got to find the edge! There’s always an edge! I know it!”
Frank (sarcastically): “Yeah, sure. I’m sure there’s an edge. Maybe it’s just behind that imaginary door over there. Just like your proof that the Earth is flat!”
