Trump at a Rally:
“Alright, folks, you’ve heard me talk about it—early detection of delusion. Now, I’m taking it one step further. We’re going to make compulsory treatment of delusional behaviour great again! That’s right, folks. I’m talking about getting the job done, not just detecting it, but fixing it. And we’re going to fix it quickly—before anyone even knows what hit them!”
(The crowd murmurs, unsure of where this is going, but they know it’s going to be big.)
“Here’s how it works, folks. Let’s say someone in your life starts saying things like, ‘I think the moon landing was fake,’ or ‘I’m the king of England.’ You know what we do? We take them in for compulsory treatment. Boom. It’s like taking your car in for a tune-up, okay? We get them back in shape. No more worrying about delusions. They’ll be fixed, fast!”
(A man in the front row raises his hand, “But Mr. President, what if I think I’m the best at everything?” Trump points at him, grinning.)
“Great question, pal. If you’re delusional, we’ll treat it. We’ll treat it like it’s nothing. You think you’re the best at everything? Well, guess what—you’re going to get some reality treatment. We’re gonna teach you that maybe, just maybe, you’re not the greatest. You’ll find out that the world doesn’t revolve around you, buddy. It’s going to be tough, but in the end, you’ll be so well-adjusted you won’t even believe it!”
(The crowd starts to get more excited, imagining what this “treatment” might look like. Some are wondering if it involves a trip to a spa or a motivational speaker.)
“Now, folks, I know some of you are thinking, ‘Trump, are you serious about this?’ And I’m telling you, yes, we’re serious. It’s time we treated delusion like a disease. And we’re going to treat it just like any other disease. We’re going to send people to delusion camps, where they’ll get intensive care—reality therapy, folks. They’ll be sitting there, surrounded by experts, getting their minds straightened out. No more talking about how the Earth is flat. No more thinking you’re a lizard person. We’re fixing it! Fast.”
(The crowd is clapping, and some even nod in agreement, imagining themselves getting “reality therapy.” A few start wondering if they’re overdue for a visit to the delusion camp.)
“And don’t even get me started on the scientific methods, folks. We’ve got the best scientists. They’re going to shock the delusion right out of you. I’m talking electrotherapy, folks. It’s going to be like a reboot for your brain. Just zap the delusion right out. And you’ll walk away thinking, ‘Wow, I was wrong about that thing, wasn’t I?’”
(The crowd is now enthusiastically cheering, some with their hands in the air, as though they’ve been given a new lease on life.)
“And for those of you who don’t like the idea of compulsory treatment—guess what? You don’t have to worry about it. We’ll just put a delusion detector on you, and if it goes off, boom! Off to the treatment center you go. No questions asked. It’s for your own good, okay? We’re making sure everyone gets the treatment they need. No more wandering around thinking you’re a time traveler from the future. We’re going to put you back in the present, folks. We’re going to make you relevant again!”
(The crowd is roaring now, chanting, “Treat them! Treat them!” A few are already wondering how they can get their own delusion detector, just to be safe.)
“And let me tell you something, folks. Once we’ve made compulsory treatment of delusional behavior great again, you won’t have to worry about a single person saying they’re the second coming of Napoleon. No more thinking the government’s out to get you. No more thinking you’re the center of the universe. Everyone’s going to be fixed—and it’s going to be wonderful!”
(The crowd is clapping, yelling, “Fix us! Fix us!” as if they’re signing up for the latest trendy wellness program.)
“We’re going to get rid of delusion in this country. And believe me, folks, it’s going to be great. No one will ever say, ‘I’m living in a simulation,’ and they won’t even know what happened to them. They’ll just be walking around, thinking, ‘Wow, I’m finally seeing things clearly.’ And that’s what we want, folks—clear, rational thinking. It’s going to be tremendous!”
(The crowd is on its feet, cheering wildly, the idea of compulsory treatment somehow sounding like the ultimate solution to everything.)
“Let’s make compulsory treatment of delusional behaviour great again, folks! Believe me—it’s going to be huge!”
