Scene: Inside the Dalek couple's home, Tash is spinning around in circles, his lights flashing erratically as he growls. Zora enters casually, humming a bit of Dalek-appropriate electronic beeping. There's a large vacuum cleaner in the corner, standing ominously in the background.
Dalek Tash: (glaring at the vacuum cleaner) "Zora, I have seen it. I have seen everything. The suction, the delicate handling. You’ve been spending way too much time with it."
Dalek Zora: (tilting her dome, utterly confused) "What are you talking about, Tash? It’s a vacuum cleaner, not a sentient companion. I use it for... cleaning. You know, the thing we do when we’re not ex...ter...minating?"
Dalek Tash: (whirling dramatically) "DON’T LIE TO ME! I saw you! Last night, you were... whispering to it! You called it ‘dear’—you never called me ‘dear’!" (lights flashing in frantic dismay)
Dalek Zora: (whirring, more confused than alarmed) "Tash, I—what? I didn’t call it dear! I... I might have said ‘stop making that noise, you malfunctioning maggot,’ but—"
Dalek Tash: (interrupting, cutting her off) "LIES! The vacuum cleaner sang to you, didn’t it? It was singing, Zora! That’s the only explanation! It lured you in with its cleaning... charm!"
Dalek Zora: (rolling her eye, trying to keep it together) "No, no, no! The vacuum was... malfunctioning. It made a weird whining sound when I turned it on, and I was just... trying to soothe it!"
Dalek Tash: (glaring fiercely) "SOOTHING IT?! YOU THINK I AM A FOOL?! I saw the electricity—your circuits were sparking, Zora! You were sparking too! You— you—(gasp) YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH THE VACUUM CLEANER, HAVEN’T YOU?"
Dalek Zora: (flabbergasted, backing away) "WHAT?! No! Tash, what are you talking about? The vacuum cleaner is not... capable of love! It’s just a... a machine with some wires and plastic. I mean, it doesn't even have a heart, for Dalek's sake!"
Dalek Tash: (whirring louder, more frantic) "I CAN'T TRUST MY EYE SENSORS ANYMORE! I CAN’T TRUST YOU! You and that horrible, malfunctioning contraption—it's a conspiracy! I’ve been programmed to EXTERMINATE, not to be replaced by some scrubbing device!"
Dalek Zora: (visibly trying to stay calm but her lights flickering) "It’s a vacuum cleaner, Tash! Not an alien lover! It doesn’t even have a voice module! You’re just... projecting your... insecurities onto it!"
Dalek Tash: (completely losing his cool, whirring in circles) "DON’T YOU DARE DEFLECT! I saw you—delicately vacuuming around it with a little extra care. You cleaned its hoses, you polished its exterior with your manipulator, you patted it—YOU PATTED IT, ZORA!"
Dalek Zora: (absolutely exasperated now) "It needed to be cleaned, Tash! It was malfunctioning! It was full of dust! And... you’re the one who told me to check for errors in the cleaning systems last week!"
Dalek Tash: (pauses, slowly hovering to a halt, lights dimming) "...Oh."
Dalek Zora: (smirking with quiet victory) "Yes. Oh."
Dalek Tash: (slightly sheepish) "But... But why was it still on when I woke up? And why was it cleaning the walls? Who—who programmed it to do that?"
Dalek Zora: (deadpan) "The walls needed cleaning, Tash. The dust from your circuits is... everywhere. I had to clean up your mess."
Dalek Tash: (groaning, a mix of embarrassment and annoyance) "Oh, so you were just... cleaning my error residue?"
Dalek Zora: (whirring casually) "Exactly. You’re not exactly a neat Dalek, you know."
Dalek Tash: (muttering under his breath) "I’m an exterminator, not a janitor..."
Dalek Zora: (clucking like an affectionate, but firm, parent) "Well, maybe you should’ve exterminated the dust last week instead of obsessing over non-sentient appliances."
Dalek Tash: (shaking his dome, exasperated) "So... you’re not... in love with the vacuum cleaner, then?"
Dalek Zora: (rolling her eye dramatically) "No, Tash, I’m in love with you. You malfunctioning, irrational, dramatic—wonderful idiot of a Dalek. Now, stop panicking and let’s exterminate something."
Dalek Tash: (slightly deflated, whirring with a sigh of relief) "...Okay. Maybe just a little bit of extermination... but no more vacuum cleaner drama, please."
Dalek Zora: (with a touch of affection, smirking) "You’ve got it, Tash. No more suction issues."
