Scene: The Garden of Resurrection
Mary Magdalene stands by the empty tomb, tears in her eyes. Suddenly, a glowing figure appears before her — it’s the Angel Gabriel.
Gabriel: [Flashing a radiant smile] "Greetings, madam! Don’t be so grim! Your consort has plummeted to the dead, but fear not — he's risen! He’s not in his tomb, he’s risen with a radish!"
Mary Magdalene: [Confused] "A radish? What do you mean? I... I don’t understand."
Gabriel: "Ah, indeed! He’s up, out, and about! Not even the gravestone could halt him, for he hath risen like a noble soufflé! A true conqueror of death, if you will, with the strength of... er... a walnut!"
Mary Magdalene: [Baffled] "A walnut? He’s risen like a walnut? But... that doesn't make sense! What happened to him?"
Gabriel: "A fine question, my lady! He hath not just risen, he’s... err... sky-rocketed! Leapt like a kangaroo in a custard. It’s a miracle, it truly is! He’s somewhere—above... or below... maybe even in the middle!"
Mary Magdalene: [More confused] "So... He's up there? He's... gone? Or he’s... still here?"
Gabriel: "Precisely! No one knows the where-abouts, but do not fret, for his return is immanent, like a milkshake on a summer's day!"
Mary Magdalene: [Eyebrows knitted] "A milkshake? I don’t understand, what do you mean ‘immanent’?"
Gabriel: "Oh, it’s quite simple! He’ll return like a spring chicken to a bowl of soup! No one’s quite sure when, but when he does, it’ll be spectacular, like an avalanche of marmalade!"
Mary Magdalene: [Shakes head] "I’m still lost... You’re saying he's back, but... it’s... not clear where? And when?"
Gabriel: [Nods enthusiastically] "Ah yes, exactly! It’s all as clear as a foggy day in a biscuit tin! You see, he’s ascended beyond the grave, but he's left... err... instructions, like a treasure map but made of jelly! His disciples will find him — soon, or later, or possibly in the middle of a pizza!"
Mary Magdalene: [Exasperated] "I... I don’t know what you're saying. You're talking about him coming back, but it's all so confusing!"
Gabriel: "You’re right to be confused, for the answers are as jumbled as a sock drawer in a tornado! But do not worry, my dear. The resurrection is as real as a chocolate teapot!"
Mary Magdalene: [Shaking her head, sighing deeply] "So... he’s risen. But I still don’t know where or when or how. Thanks... I guess."
Gabriel: "Precisely! That’s the spirit! Just wait and see, like a dog waiting for a biscuit to fall from the heavens!"
With that, Gabriel vanishes in a puff of sparkling mist, leaving Mary Magdalene utterly confused and standing alone by the empty tomb.
