Scene: A high-end restaurant. Trump and Mrs. Malaprop are seated across from each other at a large, extravagant table.
Trump: (gesturing widely) “You know, this is the greatest restaurant, folks. Believe me. Nobody has better food. I know food, okay? This place, it’s tremendous. They call it ‘high-end.’ I only eat high-end, you know? That’s why I’m here.”
Mrs. Malaprop: (nodding enthusiastically, misunderstanding) “Oh, absolutely, Mr. Trump. I do declare, the food must be absolutely the best, as you say! It’s like, as they say, ‘the proof of the pudding is in the frying pan,’ isn’t it?”
Trump: (eyes narrowing, trying to process) “The frying pan? What? No, no, it’s ‘the proof of the pudding is in the eating,’ Mrs. Malaprop. And, by the way, I’ve eaten the best puddings, okay? Tremendous puddings.”
Mrs. Malaprop: (frowning slightly) “Ah, yes, yes! That’s what I meant. The eating. Well, you know, I always say, ‘better a bright day than a heavy cloud.’ That’s why I’m sure everything here will be delicious.”
Trump: (grinning widely) “Exactly, exactly. You know what I mean. You get it. Bright day, heavy cloud—great metaphor. But, let me tell you something, nobody does the best clouds like I do. I’ve seen them all. And I know how to make America’s clouds great again.”
Mrs. Malaprop: (gesturing to her plate) “Oh, you’re quite the master, I’m sure! I always say, ‘There’s no place like a silver lining on a cloud,’ and that’s why I trust you to bring in the brightest clouds!”
Trump: (completely oblivious to her missteps) “Exactly. Nobody knows clouds like I do. It’s going to be YUGE.”
Mrs. Malaprop: (nodding fervently) “Oh, absolutely. I do declare, you’ve got the perfect mix of ‘grit and glamour,’ just like when I always say, ‘The best defense is a good offense, and we all know you’ve got that!’”
Trump: (pauses, clearly trying to understand) “Wait a second, you’re right. The best defense is a good offense. You’re absolutely right. And, by the way, I’ve got the best offense. My offense is so good, people are talking about it all over the world. It’s going to be great.”
Mrs. Malaprop: “Of course! And just like they say, ‘If you want to be the champion, you have to eat the cake before the icing!’ I do believe you’ve made your way to the top with your sheer determination and—I suppose—your eating habits?”
Trump: (nodding as if it makes perfect sense) “You got it. That’s exactly it. It’s about the cake and the icing, folks. I’m all about the icing. It’s going to be beautiful, just beautiful. People will be talking about it for years.”
Mrs. Malaprop: “I absolutely agree, Mr. Trump. I always say, ‘You can’t make an omelette without cracking a few eggs,’ and we all know, you’re no stranger to cracking eggs!”
Trump: (chuckling) “Exactly! Cracking eggs, breaking records, making omelettes! Nobody makes omelettes like me. I’m the best at it.”
Mrs. Malaprop: (beaming) “Well, I simply cannot imagine anyone more qualified! And you know, in the end, ‘a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,’ as they say, so let’s savor these moments, shall we?”
Trump: (smiling proudly) “Absolutely! A bird in the hand, folks. Tremendous bird. People are going to be talking about this meal for years. Believe me.”
