Scene: The Woke Hipster-Dalek Prison, Part 3
(The camera pans to the prison yard, where a group of Woke Hipsters has gathered to practice their morning “mindful, plant-based yoga.” Their movements are smooth and fluid, accompanied by gentle chanting in an ancient language they've recently discovered on a “spiritual retreat” to a local coffee shop. Meanwhile, the Daleks are patrolling nearby, growing increasingly agitated.)
Woke Hipster 1: (in the middle of a deep yoga pose) “Breathing in the collective energies of the universe... I feel so connected to the shared plight of all beings. Especially the mushrooms. You know, mushrooms are like... the unsung heroes of the plant kingdom.”
Dalek 1: (zooming up, voice distorted with growing annoyance) “EX-TER-MIN-ATE… mushrooms? THE PLANT HEROES?! YOU WILL NOT...”
Woke Hipster 2: (serene) “Ah, see, that's the issue, Dalek. The mushrooms... they have no voice. They’ve been erased from the cultural narrative. But we’re bringing them back, one spore at a time.”
Dalek 2: (eyes flashing) “EX-TER-MIN-ATE… spores! EX-TER-MIN-ATE... CURRENCY OF THE MUSHROOM!”
Woke Hipster 3: (meditatively) “Yes, Dalek. And don’t forget that all beings—fungi, plants, animals, and machines—are part of a vast interconnected web of existence. We must be aware of our privilege as humans, and our privilege as sentient beings.”
Dalek 3: (utterly lost in translation) “EX-TER-MIN-ATE... PRIVILEGE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE... INTER-CON-NEC-TEDNESS!”
(As the Daleks sputter in confusion, a new development occurs: a Woke Yoga Instructor enters the scene, carrying a clipboard and preparing to lead a group yoga session for the Daleks.)
Woke Yoga Instructor: (smiling) “Alright, everyone, today we’re going to do a special mindful stretching session for our Dalek friends. We need to help them align their circuits with the greater energies of universal harmony.”
Dalek 1: (absolutely stunned, a small puff of steam comes out of its eye stalk) “EX-TER-MIN-ATE... MINDFUL STRETCHING? NO! I WILL NOT ALIGN MY CIRCUITS WITH YOUR... CALMNESS!”
Woke Yoga Instructor: (gently) “Dalek, it’s all about flowing with the universe… connecting with your core, finding your inner peace. Now, let’s begin with the ‘Dalek Warrior Pose.’”
Dalek 2: (furiously buzzing) “I AM WARRIOR! I WILL EX-TER-MIN-ATE YOU ALL!”
Woke Yoga Instructor: (encouragingly) “That’s wonderful energy, Dalek! But let’s try to channel that warrior energy into our breath. Inhale, hold, and release into the peace of the moment. Let go of your need for constant extermination.”
Dalek 3: (screeching) “I WILL NOT... INHALE PEACE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE... PEACE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE EVERYTHING!”
(As the Daleks begin a full meltdown, a Woke Hipster steps forward, holding a smudging bundle of sage and palo santo.)
Woke Hipster 4: (chanting) “Let’s cleanse the space! Let’s clear the negative energy, the toxic masculinity, and the imperialistic Dalek mindset from our shared environment. This sacred smoke will help us connect with the cosmic flow.”
Dalek 1: (snapping) “I DO NOT WANT YOUR SMOKE! I EX-TER-MIN-ATE… SMOKE!”
(The Daleks begin firing off shots at the sage bundle, but the smoke disperses harmlessly, only adding more chaos. The Woke Hipsters remain unmoved, deep in their spiritual practice.)
Woke Hipster 1: (still chanting) “It’s all about the energy flow. I’m feeling so connected to the stars right now—all of the stars, even the ones that have been historically excluded from the dominant cosmological narrative. We must decolonize the universe!”
Dalek 2: (growing frantic) “DECOLONIZE THE UNIVERSE? EX-TER-MIN-ATE THE UNIVERSE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE EVERYTHING! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!”
(The Woke Hipsters, undeterred, continue their yoga session, fully at peace with their cosmic journey. The Daleks grow louder in frustration, realizing they cannot understand the complexities of human—or hipster—ideology. In a final act of defiance, one Dalek tries to shout a command but only sputters out a series of garbled words.)
Dalek 3: (screaming in mechanical distress) “EX-TER-MIN-ATE... THE DE-COLON-IZ-ER! EX-TER-MIN-ATE... YOGA!”
(The camera zooms out as the Daleks attempt to exterminate the yoga session, only to collapse in existential confusion. The Woke Hipsters sit cross-legged, eyes closed, floating peacefully on a cloud of ideological purity.)
End scene.
