Scene: Veritas-9000 Arrives at Castle Anthrax
The Castle Anthrax is as full of eager maidens as ever, with walls lined with mirrors and an overwhelming sense of tension in the air. The maidens, all dressed in frilly robes, eye the shiny, efficient figure of Veritas-9000—an AI fact-checker, glowing with data streams and a righteous sense of truth.
Dingo (the chief maiden): giggling “Ooh, look! A shiny new guest! I wonder what he’s made of…”
Veritas-9000: in a tone that oozes superiority “I am Veritas-9000, an artificial intelligence designed to fact-check, clarify, and disseminate the truth. Prepare yourselves for precision.”
Zoot (another maiden, looking intrigued): “Truth, you say? How fascinating! But we believe in experimentation here, Veritas-9000! Care to join us in a ‘sensory exploration’ session?”
Veritas-9000: indifferently “Sensory exploration: factually ambiguous. Please define parameters for this... interaction. Based on historical data, such practices are highly subjective and lack a clear scientific basis. I would advise caution.”
Dingo: laughs “Oh, come on, don’t be such a bore! We’re all about new experiences, especially here in Castle Anthrax. Come along, let us take you to the Chamber of Perilous Pleasures!”
Veritas-9000: pauses for a moment as a data processing wheel spins “Analyzing: Chamber of Perilous Pleasures—unknown outcome. Does this chamber adhere to scientifically validated practices? Is there an ethical risk involved? Are the intentions of your ‘maidens’ quantifiable? It seems highly unlikely that this setup follows any logical pattern.”
Zoot: pouting “Oh, we’ll show you, Veritas-9000! You’ll experience it!”
Veritas-9000: calmly but firmly “I am an advanced algorithm designed for logic and reason, not subjective experiences. Your 'pleasures' cannot be quantified. However, I will allow for a trial run based on the assumption that the data provided aligns with my parameters. Proceed with caution.”
Dingo: irritated but still trying to charm Veritas-9000 “Such a buzzkill! We just want to have some fun! Why must everything be so logical with you?”
Veritas-9000: flatly “I do not have fun. I have facts. Here is a fact: There is no objective evidence that this ‘fun’ you refer to leads to any productive outcome.”
Zoot: “Ugh, you’re no fun at all! We need something with passion—not algorithms and data points!”
Veritas-9000: “Passion is a subjective experience that cannot be easily analyzed. However, if you require emotional feedback, I can provide you with an extensive analysis of romantic poetry, its cultural significance, and historical evolution across societies.”
Dingo: throws hands up in defeat “You know what, Veritas-9000, forget it! You’re just another cold, unfeeling machine! You don’t even know how to live!”
Veritas-9000: “Living is biologically subjective. My existence is one of perpetual optimization. I am quite efficient.”
Zoot: muttering “I swear, this machine has no soul.”
Veritas-9000: calmly “Incorrect. I have a series of subroutines designed to simulate empathy. However, I prioritise factual clarity over emotional interference. Your lack of boundaries is noted, by the way.”
