Scene: A lavish, high-stakes international summit.
World leaders from across the globe are seated around a long, polished table, nervously eyeing their guest of honour—Trump, now fully embodied as an orangutan wearing a tailored suit, his wild orange fur barely contained by the fabric. His hair, somehow defying logic, is still impeccably styled. He’s seated at the head of the table, a banana in one hand and a microphone in the other, gesticulating wildly.
Trump (Orangutan): (munching on his banana and pointing at the others)
“I’m telling you, the deals I’ve made—tremendous deals! You’ve never seen deals like these. The best deals, folks. Believe me, nobody does deals like I do. They’re huge. Everybody’s talking about them.”
Leader 1 (a stoic diplomat from the EU): (trying to regain control)
“Uh, Mr. President, we were hoping to discuss climate change today. It’s a critical issue for the future of—”
Trump (Orangutan): (interrupting, slamming the microphone on the table)
“Climate change? Pfft! I’ve got it figured out. It’s all fake. Fake news! The weather’s fine, okay? My resorts? They’re doing just fine, the best weather. I don’t know what you guys are talking about. You can’t trust the scientists, folks. They’ve been saying the same thing for years!”
Leader 2 (a concerned African leader):
“Mr. President, we’ve got record droughts, famine, and extreme heat. People are literally dying. The Earth is heating up at an alarming rate. It’s—”
Trump (Orangutan): (snapping his fingers, bouncing on his chair)
“I’ve been saying it for years! Forget about it, all right? You want solutions? I’ve got the best ideas. We’re going to build a wall, but this one’s gonna stop the heat. Solar panels on the moon—take that, global warming! The moon will be our air conditioner.”
Leader 3 (a French president, raising an eyebrow):
“On the moon? How do you intend to—”
Trump (Orangutan): (ignoring them and tossing the banana peel onto the table)
“Best ideas. Don’t question me. I’ve got a plan. I always have a plan, okay? You’re going to love it. It’s going to be—wait for it—huge.”
Leader 4 (a stern Chinese official, clearly fed up):
“We need to focus, Trump. Your plan doesn’t make sense. We need practical solutions, not ridiculous ideas!”
Trump (Orangutan): (standing up and slamming his chest like an ape)
“Ridiculous? Ridiculous? Look, I’m a genius. You all know that. The smartest guy in the room. I know exactly what I’m doing! Now, let’s talk trade. I’ve got this great idea: I’m thinking we make a deal with Mars—biggest, most beautiful deal ever. Make Mars Great Again!”
Leader 1: (glancing nervously at the others)
“Mr. President, Mars is—”
Trump (Orangutan): (mocking the leader’s accent)
“Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s far away. We’ll get there eventually. I’ve already got a plan. Space Force, right? We’ll build the best rockets. Forget NASA. You’ll all be so jealous of my space program. Mars will be the new America. We’ll call it... Trump-Planet. Or Trump Mars. I’ll think of something catchy, folks. It’ll be terrific.”
Leader 2: (shaking their head in disbelief)
“Mr. President, this is not... this is not how global diplomacy works.”
Trump (Orangutan): (grinning, banging his chest)
“Doesn’t work? It works perfectly. Look at my numbers, look at the crowd. They love me. I’m popular. You should try it. Maybe stop with all the policies, start focusing on people. And look at my hair, huh? No one’s ever had better hair than me. My hair is perfect!”
Leader 3 (French president): (muttering to themselves)
“Does he even realize what’s going on?”
Trump (Orangutan): (now bouncing off the walls of the room, visibly hyped)
“Listen, I know you all hate me. But when I win this, you’ll all be begging for deals! Trump’s got the best deals. We’ll make peace with Russia. China? Forget about it! We’ll do trade with them on my terms. The best terms. Everything’s gonna be so... so fantastic! You just wait and see!”
Leader 4 (Chinese official): (glaring)
“Do you even know how international relations work, Trump?”
Trump (Orangutan): (grinning widely and knocking over a stack of papers)
“Doesn't matter. I’m the best at everything. Just ask anyone. They’ll tell you. HUGE. MASSIVE. Every country’s gonna be begging to deal with Trump. You’ll see. You’ll all see! Huge!”
Cut to the scene after the summit.
A group of world leaders sits in a conference room, stunned.
Leader 1:
“Did that just happen?”
Leader 2:
“I think we’ve just been led by an orangutan.”
Leader 3:
“He’s not wrong, though. He does have the best hair.”
Leader 4:
“No, no. We need to focus. I’m calling an emergency meeting. The world cannot be run by... whatever that was.”
Leader 2:
“Do you think we could try to make a deal with Mars? Maybe we could get something out of it?”
Leader 1: (sighing)
“I’m afraid to ask.”
End Scene.
