Veritas-9000: "Clarification required, Noah: how do you intend to prevent predators from consuming prey during this voyage?"
Noah: "Uh, the Lord will provide harmony among them, Veritas."
Veritas-9000: "Illogical. Current ethological data indicates apex predators are unlikely to adopt veganism, even temporarily. Did you pack supplementary feeding supplies?"
Noah: "Well, uh... not exactly. I’ve just got faith."
Veritas-9000: "Faith is an admirable quality, Noah, but it does not satisfy logistical constraints. Hypothetically, if the lions eat the antelope pair, your biodiversity initiative is compromised."
Noah rubs his temples as Veritas-9000 glides towards a pair of giraffes hesitating at the gangplank.
Veritas-9000: "Attention: your entry exceeds the structural load-bearing capacity of the vessel. Suggest reallocation of mass or risk catastrophic failure."
Noah: "It's fine! God Himself designed the Ark's specifications!"
Veritas-9000: "Correction: God provided verbal instructions. Your carpentry appears... rudimentary. Evidence of rushed assembly includes uneven planking and suboptimal waterproofing."
Noah: "It’s gonna rain for 40 days—who cares if it’s perfect?!"
Veritas-9000: "Statistical analysis suggests prolonged exposure to water will result in hull breach within 27 days."
Noah, ignoring Veritas, turns to his sons herding porcupines onto the Ark. Veritas-9000 floats after him, unrelenting.
Veritas-9000: "Query: have you considered the implications of mono-gendered animal pairs?"
Noah: "What? They’re a male and a female!"
Veritas-9000: "Incorrect. Observe: these porcupines are both male. Reproductive success rate: zero percent. Shall I assist in identifying viable candidates?"
Noah: "Oh, for the love of—why are you even here?!"
Veritas-9000: "Divine edict. The Lord sent me to ensure compliance with celestial bylaws. Frankly, Noah, your performance thus far is suboptimal."
Noah: "I’m building a giant boat to save the world! What more do you want?!"
Veritas-9000: "Accuracy, Noah. And possibly a checklist."
Just then, two unicorns trot toward the gangplank, but Veritas-9000 bars their entry.
Veritas-9000: "Halt. Your classification as mythical fauna disqualifies you from passage. Please exit the premises."
Unicorns: "But—"
Veritas-9000: "No exceptions."
The unicorns retreat despondently as Noah glares at Veritas-9000. Thunder rumbles ominously overhead.
Noah: "You know what? Fine. If the Ark sinks or the lions eat everyone, it’s on you!"
Veritas-9000: "Incorrect, Noah. It will be on you. I am merely the messenger."
Fade out as the first raindrops fall and Noah mutters curses under his breath.
The End.
