Trump Rally: "Make Hyperbole Great Again!"
“Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you something—you’re not going to believe it, but I’m about to say the most important thing in the history of history. That’s right. History! Nobody does history better than me. I’m here to tell you: we’re going to Make Hyperbole Great Again!”
(The crowd cheers wildly, waving signs that say “YUGE” and “UNBELIEVABLE.”)
“Hyperbole, folks, is what built this country! The pyramids of Giza? I heard they were described as ‘okay’ until somebody said, ‘No, they’re monumental!’ Now look at them—one of the Seven Wonders. That’s what hyperbole does, folks. It turns boring into BRILLIANT.”
(A man in the crowd wearing a “Bigger Than Big” shirt nods emphatically.)
“Now, some people, they say, ‘Trump, isn’t hyperbole just exaggeration?’ And I say, NO! Exaggeration is for losers. Hyperbole is a superpower. When I tell you something is the greatest, the biggest, the most incredible thing ever—you feel it, don’t you? Hyperbole inspires. It motivates. It wins!”
(A woman yells, “Nobody inspires like you!” Trump points at her, grinning.)
“Exactly! Nobody inspires like me. And let me tell you—this rally right here? It’s not just a rally. It’s the most earth-shattering event in the galaxy! Scientists from NASA are looking at this rally from space and saying, ‘Wow, we didn’t know this kind of energy was possible!’”
(The crowd roars, some pretending to faint from the “galactic energy.”)
“And let’s talk about the media, folks. The FAKE NEWS! They don’t like hyperbole. They call it ‘misleading.’ Misleading? Let me tell you, they’re just jealous. Hyperbole is a threat to their little fact-checking empires. They don’t want you to think BIG. But we think HUGE! We think unimaginably massive! We think universally record-breaking! And that’s why they hate us, folks.”
(Chants of “Think HUGE! Think HUGE!” erupt.)
“So here’s the deal. From now on, we’re going to turn the dial all the way up. When you say you love something, don’t say, ‘I like it.’ Say, ‘It’s the BEST thing to ever happen in the entire multiverse!’ When you talk about America, don’t say, ‘We’re a great country.’ Say, ‘We’re the undisputed CHAMPIONS of EVERYTHING!’ Hyperbole isn’t just talking, folks—it’s winning!”
(Trump leans into the microphone, voice hushed for dramatic effect.)
“And you know what? This rally right now? It’s not just great. It’s not just tremendous. It’s so incredible that future historians will write books about it, call it the Rally of Rallies, and name entire planets after it. That’s how much winning we’re doing, folks.”
(The crowd erupts into applause, their cheers so loud they might actually be heard in space.)
“Thank you, everyone! Let’s go out there and hyperbolise like champions! And together, we will Make Hyperbole Great Again!”
(As Trump exits, he shouts back to the crowd, “This was the single greatest rally in the history of human existence—and I say that without exaggeration!”)
Hyperbole has never been bigger. Or better. Or more tremendous. Just ask Trump!
