Scene: The Court of Eternal Judgement
The Costanzas emerge from the glowing portal into an ethereal courtroom. The walls are made of shimmering clouds, the floor is a mirror reflecting their every move, and a massive golden scale sits behind a glowing podium where a stern, robed figure presides. A jury of angels murmurs among themselves, their halos flickering.
Judge: (booming voice) "Frank, Estelle, and George Costanza, you stand before the Court of Eternal Judgment. Your deeds in life shall now be weighed!"
Frank: (pointing at the golden scale) "Weighed?! What is this, a butcher shop? You’re going to weigh me like a pound of pastrami?"
George: (horrified) "Dad! That’s the scale of justice!"
Estelle: "Frank, for heaven’s sake, behave! Or... wherever we are."
The judge slams a glowing gavel, causing a wave of light to ripple across the courtroom.
Judge: "Silence! First, we shall review the life of Frank Costanza."
The courtroom dims, and a giant screen appears, playing clips of Frank’s life. It starts with him yelling at a neighbour, progresses to him berating a waiter for serving overcooked steak, and crescendos with The Festivus Incident.
Judge: "Frank Costanza, your life has been one of anger, complaints, and... unique traditions."
Frank: "Unique? You’re damn right! Festivus is a cultural phenomenon! You’ve got problems with airing grievances? Well, here’s one: this whole judgment system stinks!"
George: (covering his face) "Oh my God. Oh my God."
Estelle: "What about me? I was a devoted wife! Look at all the cooking I did!"
The screen shifts to Estelle, repeatedly yelling at George, accusing Frank of ruining her life, and the infamous manicure salon incident.
Judge: "Estelle Costanza, your life was marked by constant criticism, nagging, and—"
Estelle: (interrupting) "I wouldn’t have been so critical if Frank wasn’t always yelling! What kind of husband is this?"
Frank: "Don’t turn this on me! I was a good husband! I took you to Tuscany, didn’t I?"
Estelle: "Tuscany? That was a disaster! You got us banned from the hotel for screaming at the concierge!"
The angels in the jury start to chuckle, their halos wobbling precariously.
Judge: "Enough! And now... George Costanza."
George braces himself as the screen shows him lying to employers, faking disabilities, and that time he pushed an old lady out of the way during a fire.
George: (desperate) "Okay, I admit, I made mistakes. But I grew! I learned! Doesn’t that count for something?"
Frank: "Learned? You spent half your life pretending to be an architect!"
George: "Well, you spent half your life yelling at anyone who came within five feet of you!"
Estelle: "And you’re both responsible for why I’m here!"
The judge sighs, pinching their ethereal nose.
Judge: "Enough! The scales shall now determine your fate."
The glowing scales light up. On one side, shimmering golden deeds appear—like Estelle donating to charity or George helping a pigeon cross the street. On the other, a massive pile of dark clouds—Frank screaming, George lying, Estelle nagging—forms a comically oversized weight. The scales wobble and then crash dramatically onto the "dark deeds" side.
Judge: "The verdict is clear: eternity in purgatory!"
Frank: (jumping up) "Purgatory?! Again?! You’ve got to be kidding me! That place is a bureaucratic nightmare!"
George: (collapsing into a chair) "I knew it. I’m doomed to spend eternity with you two."
Estelle: "Oh, stop complaining, George! You always complained in life, and look where it got you!"
Suddenly, a smaller, less important angel rushes in with a scroll.
Angel: "Wait! There’s been a clerical error!"
The judge unrolls the scroll, scanning it.
Judge: "It appears... the Costanzas are being given a second chance. A probationary afterlife on Earth to prove their worth."
Frank: (sarcastic) "Oh, great. A do-over. What are we supposed to do? Volunteer at a soup kitchen?!"
Judge: "You’ll find out. But know this: should you fail again, there will be no further chances."
With a wave of the judge’s hand, the Costanzas vanish in a puff of glittering smoke.
Judge: (to the jury) "Mark my words, we’ll see them back here in a week."
The jury bursts into laughter as the scene fades to black.
