The Algo-Courtroom
Scene: A cavernous, neon-lit chamber dominated by a glowing, pulsating structure known as The Algorithmic Tribunal. Individuals stand trial before The Algorithm, whose judgments are final and unquestionable. Its voice—a disembodied, eerily calm tone—booms through the chamber.
Defendant: A bewildered individual, Gregory Uneven-Like Ratio, stands accused of a heinous crime: having a poor like-to-comment ratio on their latest social media post.
Algorithm: “Gregory Uneven-Like Ratio, you posted a picture of your lunch: a sandwich... with white bread. This post received 47 likes but only 2 comments, both of which were, quote, ‘yikes.’ You have been flagged for insufficient engagement and failure to reflect progressive sandwich values. How do you plead?”
Gregory: “It was just… bread! I swear, I didn’t mean to offend gluten-free communities or promote carb privilege!”
Algorithm: “Bread is not just bread, Gregory. Bread is politics. Bread is culture. Bread is responsibility.”
The crowd of spectators murmurs in agreement, some clutching digital protest signs reading “#NoWhiteSlices” and “#RyeNotTryHarder.”
Algorithm: “Your penalty: A mandatory seven-day shadowban. During this time, your posts will only be seen by bots and your aunt Carol, who consistently posts Minions memes.”
Gregory: “No! Not the shadowban! Anything but that!”
The Algorithm and Survival
In this dystopia, everything is a game of algorithmic optics. Grocery stores have Influencer Lanes, accessible only if you have a verified blue tick. Regular citizens must scan their social media metrics at checkout. Low engagement? No avocados for you.
Meanwhile, influencers compete in gladiatorial challenges to determine who gets priority for hot new trends. These events are streamed live, with viewers voting on which influencers are cancelled mid-competition for their lack of "aesthetic consistency."
The Safe Space Subversion
Scene: A “Safe Space Factory,” where workers frantically churn out new safe spaces under constant algorithmic surveillance.
Worker 1: “Hurry! We need to launch SafeSpace 2.0: Now with Fewer Opinions before the Algorithm detects our previous one was problematic!”
Worker 2: “But people are already arguing over whether this one excludes opinionated introverts or includes too many neutral extroverts!”
Worker 1: “It doesn’t matter! Just slap a pastel filter on it and add an inspirational quote! Something about ‘rainbows and accountability.’”
Voice Over Intercom: “Warning: The Algorithm has detected a lack of consensus in SafeSpace 1.9. Prepare for deplatforming.”
The workers scream as the lights dim, and The Algorithm’s holographic eye looms overhead.
The Resistance
A ragtag group of cancelled individuals forms a resistance called The Unfollowables. They meet in secret, untraceable locations—cafés without Wi-Fi, underground basements where no phones are allowed, and ironically, actual libraries.
A gasp ripples through the room.
“But how will we share our message?” one asks.
Z3r0 Likes pauses. “We’ll use… face-to-face conversation.”
The room falls silent. Someone faints.
