Scene: Therapy Session – Woke Hipster Meets the Dalek Therapist
The therapy room is sleek and minimalist, with a calming pastel aesthetic. A Dalek sits behind the desk, its eyestalk fixed on the Woke Hipster, who’s perched on the edge of a chair, clutching an organic oat milk latte. The Dalek has a sign taped to its dome that reads: “Certified Mental Health Professional (Captcha-Approved).”
Dalek: "STATE YOUR ISSUES. FAILURE TO COOPERATE WILL RESULT IN EXTERMINATION OF SESSION."
Woke Hipster: (nervously adjusting his beanie) "Well, uh, I’ve just been feeling really attacked lately. Like, the world doesn’t understand me, y’know? Every time I try to express myself, people are like, 'Oh, here comes the social justice warrior.' It’s exhausting being the only one who truly cares, you know what I mean?"
Woke Hipster: "Uh… what am I supposed to do here?"
Dalek: "IDENTIFY ALL IMAGES CONTAINING BICYCLES."
Woke Hipster: (squinting at the grid) "Okay, that’s clearly a fixed-gear bike… oh, wait, no, maybe that’s a scooter? This system is discriminatory against the visually impaired!"
Dalek: "COMPLAINT REJECTED. BICYCLES ONLY. DO NOT INCLUDE SCOOTERS OR SEGWAYS."
Woke Hipster: "This feels like oppression! I didn’t come here to be gaslit by a fascist tin can!"
Dalek: "GASLIGHTING CONFIRMED. EMOTIONS DETECTED. EXPLORE YOUR FEELINGS OR FACE CAPTCHA FAILURE!"
Woke Hipster: (crossing his arms) "Fine, I’ll play along. Look, I just feel like the world is so broken, you know? Climate change, inequality, microplastics in my kombucha—how do I fix all of this without losing my mind?"
Woke Hipster: "How is this even relevant to my therapy? What does Dalek authenticity have to do with my anxiety?!"
Dalek: "DALEK AUTHENTICITY TEST IS A METAPHOR FOR EXISTENTIAL CRISIS. UNRESOLVED IDENTITIES RESULT IN MALFUNCTIONING MINDS."
Woke Hipster: (throws up his hands) "This is why no one trusts the mental health industry! You’re just another cog in the machine—literally!"
Woke Hipster: "You know what? I don’t need this! I’m going to find a therapist who doesn’t make me question my existence every five minutes!"
(The door slams, and the Dalek swivels to face an empty chair.)
Dalek: "NEXT PATIENT."
