Scene: The Gates of Hell
The Costanzas stand before the imposing gates, surrounded by flames, smoke, and the wails of the damned. George is visibly panicked, Estelle is confused, and Frank... well, Frank is furious.
Frank: "WHAT IS THIS?! We take one wrong turn, and now we’re at the gates of hell?!"
George: "It’s hell, Dad! Hell! Why are you yelling at me?!"
Frank: "Because you’re the navigator, George! I told you to bring the map, but no! You had to rely on that 'GPS'—the George Positioning System! Look where that got us!"
The gates creak open, revealing a demon with a clipboard.
Demon: "Costanza, party of three. Welcome to Hell!"
Estelle: "Welcome? You call this a welcome? Where’s the red carpet? Where’s the complimentary drink?!"
Demon: "You’ll find eternal torment just beyond the gates."
Frank: "Eternal torment?! What kind of operation are you running here?!"
The demon, clearly unprepared for Frank, looks puzzled.
Demon: "Uh, it’s... Hell? That’s what we do?"
Frank: "Well, let me tell you something, buddy! You’re doing it WRONG! Look at this place! Fire and brimstone? That’s your big idea? This is amateur hour!"
Frank starts pacing, gesturing wildly.
Frank: "Where’s the innovation? Where’s the pizzazz? You think people are scared of a little fire? I’ve been to barbecues scarier than this!"
George: "Dad, please stop antagonising the demon."
Frank: "Antagonising? I’m giving him free advice!"
Estelle peers at the demon’s clipboard.
Estelle: "Wait a minute. It says here we’re in the wrong place! We’re supposed to be on the 'purgatory' list!"
Demon: "Oh, uh... let me check."
The demon flips through the pages, muttering. Frank leans in, fuming.
Frank: "You see? This is the problem with bureaucracy! Even in hell, they can’t get it right!"
Demon: "Ah, here it is. Purgatory, for review. Sorry for the mix-up."
Frank snatches the clipboard.
Frank: "Sorry?! Sorry doesn’t cut it! I’m going to the top! Get me Satan on the line!"
George: "Dad, no one gets Satan on the line!"
Frank: "I’ll get him on the line! I’ve dealt with worse customer service than this!"
Estelle sighs, waving at the demon.
Estelle: "Can we just go? I’m not spending one more minute listening to this man yell at a demon."
Demon: "Of course, Mrs. Costanza. Right this way."
The Costanzas begin to shuffle toward purgatory. Frank, still muttering, turns back to the demon.
Frank: "And tell your boss to install an air conditioner! It’s 2025 for crying out loud!"
The gates of Hell slam shut behind them, leaving only Frank’s voice echoing in the fiery abyss:
Frank: "Unbelievable! Even hell has incompetent management!"
