Scene: Escher’s Relativity
The Costanzas materialise in a world of staircases going in every direction, gravity be damned. George is already sweating. Estelle looks around, unimpressed. Frank is seething.
George: "What... what is this place?! Are we in a painting?!"
Frank: "A painting?! This isn’t a painting—it’s a death trap! Who builds stairs to nowhere?!"
Frank gestures wildly at a staircase leading upside down.
Frank: "Look at this nonsense! You climb the stairs, you’re on the ceiling! WHO DOES THAT?!"
Estelle: "Frank, stop shouting! You’re giving me a headache."
Frank: "I’m giving you a headache? What about the architect? That lunatic should be in jail!"
George tries to climb a staircase but ends up back where he started.
George: "I don’t think we’re getting out of here."
Frank: "We’re not getting out because there IS no out! It’s a conspiracy! A gravity scam! Who even uses stairs anymore? What’s wrong with elevators?!"
Estelle peers at another staircase.
Estelle: "Frank, I think you’re supposed to follow the arrows."
Frank: "Arrows? There are no arrows! Just stairs! Infinite stairs! It’s a nightmare for people with bad knees!"
George sits down, defeated.
George: "We’re going to be stuck here forever..."
Frank: "Forever?! Not on my watch!"
Frank grabs a shoe and starts hammering the nearest staircase.
Estelle: "What are you doing, Frank?!"
Frank: "I’m fixing this disaster! You want to live in an endless labyrinth of stairs, Estelle? Be my guest!"
He points at George.
Frank: "And you! You just sit there like a schlub? DO SOMETHING!"
George: "What do you want me to do? File a complaint with Escher?!"
A man carrying a table suddenly walks past, defying gravity by walking along the underside of a staircase.
Frank: "Hey, buddy! You think this is normal?! Walking upside down like some kind of bat?!"
The man doesn’t respond. Frank turns to Estelle.
Frank: "He ignored me! Upside-down people are ignoring me now!"
Estelle: "Maybe he doesn’t speak English."
Frank: "Oh, great! Even in an alternate dimension, nobody speaks English! It’s all part of the scam!"
George gets up, pacing nervously.
George: "I can’t take this anymore. The walls, the stairs, the… the geometry! It’s like a bad dream!"
Frank: "A bad dream?! This is WORSE than a bad dream! This is what happens when ARTISTS think they’re ENGINEERS!"
He shakes a fist at the sky—or what he thinks is the sky.
Frank: "Escher, you hack! I’M COMING FOR YOU!"
Estelle sighs, sitting down on a staircase that loops into itself.
Estelle: "I just wanted a quiet day at home."
Frank: "Quiet?! You call this quiet?! Look around! There are people WALKING SIDEWAYS!"
Frank’s voice echoes endlessly through the impossible labyrinth.
