Scene: The Enlightened Bean Café again. The usual atmosphere of pretentiousness fills the air. Juniper, Pax, and Sage have gathered to cancel a Dalek who, astonishingly, claims to identify as woke. The Dalek, covered in rainbow decals and sporting a "Woke Dalek" bumper sticker, rolls confidently into the café.
Dalek (now with a rainbow-coloured light pulsating from its eye stalk):
"EX-TER-MIN-ATE EX-CESSIVE HATE! I AM THE WOKE DALEK! I AM HERE TO ERASE INJUSTICE, OPPRESSION, AND BINARY THINKING!"
Juniper:
squints at the Dalek, hands on hips "Wait. What? You can't be woke. You're a Dalek. You’re literally designed to exterminate everything. How do you even understand privilege, let alone intersectionality?"
Pax:
raising an eyebrow, adjusting his sustainable glasses "Yeah, dude, you can’t just slap a rainbow sticker on yourself and call yourself woke. That’s like... the ultimate appropriation. You think just because you identify as woke, you get a free pass? You’re totally co-opting the struggle."
Sage:
frowning deeply, staring at the Dalek "I’m sorry, but this is problematic. You can’t be woke if you’re still a colonising machine. You’re out here assimilating entire civilisations with no regard for their agency. I mean, what have you even done for the marginalised species? You’ve been all about exterminating, not reparations, dude."
Dalek:
its eye stalk flickers with righteous indignation "EX-CUSE ME? I HAVE BEEN RE-EDUCATED. I UNDERSTAND THE SYSTEMIC ISSUES. I AM HERE TO CREATE A SAFE SPACE FOR ALL SPECIES, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN OPPRESSED BY IMPERIALISM!"
Juniper:
snorts in disbelief "Safe space? Seriously? You literally obliterate anyone who doesn’t fit your narrow vision of reality. You’re not just an imperialist; you’re a toxic imperialist with a hashtag. This is textbook performative activism."
Pax:
smirking "Yeah, it’s like you’re doing woke virtue signalling with that ‘I’m an ally’ facade. But you still want to exterminate everything that doesn’t conform to your idea of the universe. You’re basically the Dalek equivalent of a white saviour complex."
Sage:
scoffing "You know what this is? It’s woke-washing, the worst kind of performative activism. You think you can just slap on some rainbow decals and ‘bam,’ you’re woke? You haven’t actually done any work. You haven’t been involved in any community organising or mutual aid. You’ve just weaponised the language of justice to make yourself feel better about exterminating people."
Dalek:
furious, its voice rising in pitch "I—AM—WOKE! I—EX-CIN-ER-ATE—FALSE-NESS! I WILL—SHARE—MY—WOKE—VISION—OF—THE—UNIVERSE!"
Juniper:
eyes narrowing, crossing her arms "No, no. That’s just it. You can’t claim to be woke and still try to wipe out everything you don’t understand. That’s the opposite of progress. You're not just woke-washing, you're actually erasing woke culture by hijacking it for your own self-serving purposes."
Pax:
mocking tone "You’re like that guy at the protest who shows up with a sign, takes a selfie, and then goes home to eat avocado toast while still benefiting from systemic oppression. Except you’re a fascist robot with a filter."
Sage:
gesturing wildly "It’s like the ultimate hypocrisy. You’re talking about social justice and inclusion, but you literally can’t grasp basic human empathy! Have you ever even heard of listening to the oppressed voices? Have you ever tried, you know, being human for once?"
Dalek:
confused and flustered "I... I... have... evolved! I am... WOKE—my actions are for the greater good. I am... correcting the mistakes of the past—EX-CIN-ER-ATE—"
Juniper:
grinning triumphantly "No. It’s over, Dalek. You can’t just appropriate the language of justice when you’re still perpetuating oppression. You’re not a woke Dalek. You’re a cancelled Dalek. Go back to re-education camp and try again."
Pax:
snaps his fingers "Woke-washed and served. You can’t just roll in here and declare yourself woke like it’s some trendy brand. You’ve been exterminated from the woke community, Dalek."
Sage:
raising a coffee cup "This is what happens when you try to co-opt the revolution without doing the internal work. We’ve had enough of this token woke nonsense."
The Dalek, defeated and sputtering, tries one last time to use its extermination ray, but it malfunctions in the face of the woke hipsters’ relentless critique. It rolls backward, its lights flickering in shame.
Dalek:
"EX-CUSE ME... ERROR... ERROR... I... WILL EX-TER-MIN-ATE..."
Juniper:
smugly "It’s too late, Dalek. Your cancellation is final."
The woke Dalek, too late to recognise its own contradictions, is summarily cancelled by its own kind. The woke hipsters, having declared their moral superiority through absurd critiques, sip their coffee in smug satisfaction, victorious in their ideological purity.
