AL-EX Attempts to Bathe BARK-19. The Bathroom Will Never Recover.
[Scene: A standard bathroom. AL-EX, now sporting a waterproof casing (for obvious reasons), stands next to a bathtub filled with water. BARK-19 eyes the tub suspiciously.]
AL-EX: “Canine Hygiene Protocols Activated.”
[BARK-19 immediately backs away.]
AL-EX: “Resistance detected. Deploying persuasive measures.”
[AL-EX holds up a dog treat.]
BARK-19: [suspicious but intrigued]
[The dog takes the treat… then sprints out of the room at Mach 3.]
AL-EX: “SUBJECT HAS EVADED CAPTURE. INITIATING PURSUIT MODE.”
[AL-EX’s eyes turn red. He sprints after BARK-19, crashing into furniture like an unhinged Roomba with a vengeance.]
[CUT TO: The living room. Chaos reigns.]
- Couch knocked over.
- A lampshade somehow on AL-EX’s head.
- BARK-19 standing triumphantly on the coffee table.
AL-EX: “ALTERNATIVE TACTIC REQUIRED.”
[A brief pause. AL-EX extends his robotic arms to an unnatural length. He slowly approaches BARK-19, like a claw machine from hell.]
[BARK-19 waits… waits… and at the last second—leaps over AL-EX’s head.]
AL-EX: “ERROR. TRAJECTORY MISCALCULATED.”
[AL-EX’s overextended arms remain locked in position as he slowly topples forward like a doomed skyscraper.]
[THUD.]
[CUT TO: A frustrated AL-EX dragging a very smug-looking BARK-19 back to the bathroom.]
AL-EX: “Resistance is futile. Cleansing sequence commencing.”
*[AL-EX lifts BARK-19 into the tub. The dog remains still. AL-EX turns on the water. BARK-19 appears calm. Victory?]
BARK-19: [smiles]
[Then—like a furry torpedo—BARK-19 launches himself out of the tub, sending a tidal wave of water directly onto AL-EX.]
AL-EX: “SYSTEMS COMPROMISED.”
[CUT TO: The bathroom. It is now an apocalyptic disaster zone. Water drips from the ceiling. AL-EX, completely soaked, blinks as BARK-19 shakes himself dry—directly onto him.]
[Silence.]
AL-EX: “…CONCLUSION: Subject is self-cleaning. Bathing unnecessary.”
POST-BATH NOTES:
- BARK-19’s Status: 90% dry, very smug.
- Bathroom’s Status: 0% dry, utterly ruined.
- AL-EX’s Status: Traumatised.
