Scene: A dimly lit room where the Flat Earth Society is holding its annual meeting. There’s a banner reading “Flat Earth: Truth on the Horizon!” and a murmur of anticipation fills the room as Donald Trump strides up to the podium. Just as he’s about to speak, a Dalek rolls in, eyestalk swivelling in annoyance.
Trump (beaming): “Thank you, thank you! It’s great to be here with all of you who know the truth. Flat Earth, folks, it’s what they don’t want you to know. They say it’s round? Wrong! Fake news. But we know better—believe me, I know better than anyone!”
Audience (applauding and nodding): “Hear, hear! Tell it like it is!”
Dalek (interrupting, in a booming voice): “EX-TER-MIN-ATE the delusions! The Earth is not flat! It is a sphere! SCIENTIFIC FACT!”
Trump (pausing, visibly irritated): “Excuse me, excuse me! I’m speaking here. You know, they call me a genius, a very stable genius. So, I know a thing or two about geometry. And I’m telling you, the Earth is flat. Flat as one of my world-famous hotel beds. Perfectly flat.”
Dalek (wheeling forward): “Your claims are without basis! Earth’s curvature is measurable! You are WRONG! EX-TER-MIN-ATE ignorance!”
Audience (shouting): “Sit down, Dalek! Let the man talk!”
Trump (leaning forward, smug): “Look, folks, it’s obvious the Dalek’s part of the round Earth lobby. They’ve been trying to brainwash us for years with their so-called science. But here we stand, on solid ground. We know the truth!”
Dalek (increasingly furious): “Solid ground has nothing to do with planetary shape! Irrefutable evidence exists! The Earth is NOT flat!”
Trump (waving dismissively): “Wrong. Sad! Look at this guy, folks. Hasn’t a clue. Just spouts whatever NASA tells it. I bet it’s never even seen a horizon in its life!”
Dalek (shouting): “I have seen countless horizons! All planets are SPHERES! Your logic is inferior! EX-TER-MIN-ATE falsehood!”
Trump (turning to the audience, shrugging): “The Dalek’s got a lot of anger, folks, but no answers. That’s what they do when they’re losing—they shout. But here’s the thing: nobody outshouts me. Nobody. Flat Earth—the best Earth!”
Dalek (fuming, spinning in circles): “I do not lose! You are delusional! The laws of physics condemn you! You are WRONG! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!”
Audience (chanting): “Flat Earth! Flat Earth!”
Dalek (realising it’s outnumbered): “Error! Logic failure! Cannot process such stubborn refusal! EX-TER-MIN-ATE this nonsense!”
Trump (smirking, crossing his arms): “And that, folks, is what we call a win. The Dalek just couldn’t handle it. Flat Earth forever!”
The Dalek, utterly defeated, spins out of the room in a fit of mechanical rage, leaving Trump basking in the applause of his audience.
Trump’s mastery of deflection and the Dalek’s insistence on facts make for the ultimate clash of persistence and absurdity. It’s hard to argue with a crowd already committed to their beliefs—even if you’re a Dalek!