Trump (stepping up to the podium, smiling broadly):
"Thank you, thank you! What a crowd, folks. You’re amazing. You know, I’ve been talking to a lot of people, and they tell me, 'Trump, we need something big—something huge—to bring back reality TV.' And let me tell you something, folks, I’ve got the best idea. It’s going to be tremendous. We’re going to make reality TV great again. And it’s going to be bigger than anything you’ve ever seen!"
[The crowd starts murmuring, excited, waiting for the big reveal.]
Trump (leaning into the mic, voice lowered dramatically):
"It’s called ‘Survivor: Oval Office,’ folks. That’s right. Contestants are going to live right there in the White House, and guess what? The goal is to not get fired. No one wants to get fired, folks. Trust me, it’s a tough gig. But only the best can survive in the Oval Office."
[The crowd bursts into laughter, some shaking their heads, others applauding. Trump smiles as if he just made the greatest announcement in history.]
Trump (pointing to the crowd):
"Here’s how it works. You put 10 contestants in the White House—cabinet members, secretaries, advisors, maybe a couple of celebrities—and they have to outwit, outlast, and outplay to stay in the job. You think it’s easy? You think being president’s a walk in the park? Let me tell you, it’s hard, folks. Really hard. But I’m the guy who knows how to keep people around. Look at me, I’ve had the best staff, folks. I never fired anyone, except when I had to, of course.”
[The crowd laughs; a few "TRUMP FOR LIFE" signs are waved in the air.]
Trump (gesturing grandly):
"Every week, there’ll be a new challenge. Maybe it’s balancing the budget, maybe it’s dealing with a crisis—maybe it’s a big international meeting. They’ll have to compete in real tasks. No fake stuff. We’re talking about the real deal, folks. And if they mess up, if they fail, they’ll be sent packing—just like the best reality shows!"
[The crowd erupts into applause, some chanting “SEND ‘EM HOME! SEND ‘EM HOME!”]
Trump (pointing to a man in the crowd with a “SURVIVOR: OVAL OFFICE” t-shirt):
"That’s right, folks! That guy’s got the right idea. You fail? You’re out. Gone. And it’s going to be live, folks. Live! Every week, we’ll be watching as people fight for their jobs. Will they survive the pressure? Will they make the tough decisions? Who knows? Only time will tell.”
[Someone in the front row yells, “Can we vote ‘em off?” Trump looks over and nods.]
Trump (winking):
"Oh, absolutely. You can vote 'em off. We’re making it a reality show, folks. America’s reality show. You’ll be able to call in. It’ll be the best, folks. The biggest voting system. And the winner? Well, they get to stay in the White House, folks. They get to keep their job. They get to survive!”
[The crowd laughs, someone shouts, “Make America Survive Again!”]
Trump (pointing dramatically to the screen behind him):
"Here’s the promo, folks. Look at that. Survivor: Oval Office—coming soon to your TV screens. Watch as contestants try to avoid scandals, public meltdowns, and maybe even a surprise visit from the FBI. Will they keep their job, or will they get fired? It's the most suspenseful game show you’ll ever see, folks. More exciting than a debate, more shocking than a State of the Union!"
[The crowd is losing it, some are rolling with laughter, others are clapping along to a tune playing in the background, which sounds suspiciously like the Survivor theme song.]
Trump (nodding in approval):
"And here’s the best part, folks. I’m the host. I’m the host. No one does hosting like Trump. Tremendous hosting. They’re gonna want to stay in my White House, folks. It’s gonna be the best White House you’ve ever seen. I’ll give them the toughest challenges—big decisions, big risks. You don’t want to be the first to go, trust me."
[A banner drops behind Trump that says “SURVIVOR: OVAL OFFICE—COMING SOON!” The crowd cheers wildly, some chanting “TRUMP FOR LIFE!”]
Trump (pumping his fist):
"It’s going to be huge, folks. The best. And you know who’s going to be the winner? America. That’s right, America wins. We make this country great again, and we do it with reality TV. Thank you, everybody! See you on the show! Survivor: Oval Office—coming soon!"
[The crowd goes wild, chanting “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” as Trump waves and walks offstage, Elon Musk giving him a thumbs up from the side, and a group of people dressed as White House staffers run onto the stage pretending to play out a "Survivor" challenge.]
