(The crowd roars with applause, mostly because they’re still trying to figure out what "MTVGA" stands for, but it sounds patriotic.)
"That’s right, folks! We’re going to take you, the forgotten, the misunderstood, the incredible Trump voter—and we’re going to make you the biggest thing ever! You’ve been the silent majority for too long. Well, guess what? The silence ends today! We’re going to shout your greatness from the rooftops, and we’re going to make America notice—big time!"
(A few confused bystanders look at each other, wondering if the rally is going to turn into a musical.)
"We’re going to start with something huge—Trump Voter Appreciation Day. That’s right! A national holiday just for you! It’ll be the biggest day of the year. We’ll have parades, fireworks, and so many hot dogs you won’t believe it. Tens of thousands of hot dogs! And I’m talking the good hot dogs, folks. None of that fancy organic stuff. Just classic American dogs, the way they were meant to be! Your kind of hot dogs!"
(An aide holds up a hot dog, not sure whether to throw it in the air or eat it.)
"And folks, the best part? Everyone who voted for me—yes, everyone—will get a golden Trump Voter Card. You’ll show it, and you’ll get VIP treatment everywhere. No lines at the airport. No waiting at the grocery store. No waiting for ANYTHING! You walk in, you get your stuff, and you leave. That’s how it’s going to be. Tremendous benefits for Trump voters. I’m telling you."
(A large portion of the crowd begins arguing about how to use the cards, one person suggesting they should be used as a pass to skip work.)
"We’re also going to give you something special. Special, folks. Every Trump voter gets a free trip to a Trump property—yes, a Trump property! It’s going to be the best vacation. We’re talking golf courses, spas, resorts. So many spas. Some people will never want to leave, but guess what? They won’t have to! We’re gonna build new Trump properties just for you, folks. Just for YOU!"
(A man in a MAGA hat stands up, shouting "I’m gonna move into Trump Tower, it’s my destiny!")
"And the hats, folks, let me tell you—the hats are getting better. We’re making them bigger, more glorious. Hats that’ll put you on the map. People will see you, and they’ll say, 'Wow, that’s a person who voted for Trump!' You’ll have more power, more status, and let’s be honest—more style than anyone else in the room. These hats are gonna be fantastic. You won’t believe how good they are. Believe me."
(The crowd goes wild, mostly because they were already chanting “MTVGA!” but now they feel even more special.)
"So, my fellow Trump voters, let’s make you great again! Let’s do it for America. Let’s do it for the future. And let’s make sure that every Trump voter, everywhere, knows just how great they are!"
(The rally ends in a cloud of confetti and Trump-branded merchandise being tossed into the air, with every attendee proudly clutching their new “Trump Voter” gold cards, already planning their free spa vacations.)
