Donald Trump’s "Make Humility Great Again" Rally
Scene: The arena is filled with a crowd that looks slightly puzzled yet hopeful. The banner behind the podium reads Make Humility Great Again. There’s an overwhelming sense of unprecedented expectations in the air. Trump strides to the stage, his hair as perfectly combed as ever, his suit gleaming with arrogance disguised as humility. He steps up to the mic with an aura of modesty only he can pull off.
Trump:
"Thank you, thank you, everybody. It’s so great to be here—really, it’s great. They say I’m the humblest guy they know. The best at humility, folks. People tell me all the time, ‘Donald, you’ve got the greatest humility.’ They tell me I have a humility that’s out of this world. Well, I’m here to tell you, we’re going to make humility great again!"
(The crowd claps, though some look suspicious. A philosopher in the front row frowns, muttering about the paradox of humility being publicly declared.)
Trump:
"Let me tell you, folks, humility is what’s missing. Used to be, you’d meet a humble guy, and you’d think, ‘Wow, that’s a guy who knows how to lead without showing off.’ Now? Now we’ve got these people who are too humble. So humble, in fact, they don’t even tell you how great they are. That’s the problem. You’ve got to let people know your humility is the best. You’ve got to tell them. So, that’s what we’re going to do—let everyone know we’re humble."
(The crowd looks confused but applauds anyway. A modest monk in the back shakes his head in disbelief.)
Trump:
"Now, I’m not saying I’m the most humble guy—I’ll tell you, I’m very humble, but there are some others. Maybe. But I’ve got the best humility. Everybody says so. My humility is incredible. Believe me. They say the best humble people are the ones who don’t tell you they’re humble, but I tell you—I’ve got to tell you. It’s important. People will tell you, ‘Donald, you’ve got the humility that makes others humble.’"
(Some in the crowd nod, others exchange awkward glances. A few clapping skeptics whisper, “Doesn’t humility require, like, not talking about it?”)
Trump:
"You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to bring back the humility of the greatest leaders. Like Lincoln. What a humble guy. But did he go around saying, ‘I’m humble’? No, but he was! And let me tell you, folks, I’m even humble-er than Lincoln. People say so. They say, ‘Donald, you’ve got the best humility since Lincoln!’ And they’re right."
(The crowd starts clapping harder, though some start murmuring in disbelief. A couple of cynics mumble, “Isn't humility the opposite of bragging?”)
Trump:
"And let me tell you, folks, humility isn’t just about being quiet. It’s about giving credit to the people who helped you. You know, like the really smart people who help me with things like the best speeches, the best policies, and yes, the best humility. Believe me, I have some of the smartest and most humble people working for me—people who know what humility really means."
(The crowd cheers. A lone philosopher in the back sighs deeply. A speaker from the previous century shakes their head, realizing that their definitions of humility are slowly becoming irrelevant.)
Trump:
"Now, I know what you’re thinking—‘Donald, how can we ever really know if we’re humble?’ Well, let me tell you, folks, it’s simple. You’ll know. People will tell you. They’ll say, ‘Wow, you’re so humble.’ And you know what? They’ll be right. Because when you’re as humble as me, you don’t have to tell them—they already know!"
(The crowd erupts into applause. The philosophers start discussing in hushed tones about whether humility can be considered humble if it’s publicly praised. A couple of existentialists question their entire worldview.)
Trump:
"So, we’re going to do it, folks. We’re going to bring back humility. We’re going to show the world that humility isn’t about sitting in the corner, quietly, hoping someone notices. No, we’re going to let the world know that we’ve got humility, and it’s the best humility. We’re going to make humility great again by making sure everyone knows how humble we are. Believe me, folks, it’s going to be huge."
(The crowd goes wild with applause. The modest monk in the back shakes his head so hard that his glasses nearly fall off. A few of the younger philosophers start Googling “humility” to make sense of it all.)
Trump:
"Thank you, thank you, everybody. We’re going to do it! Humility is coming back. Bigger, better, and more humble than ever. Thank you!”
(As Trump waves and exits the stage, “Eye of the Tiger” plays in the background, with the crowd still cheering. A few philosophers are left scratching their heads, wondering if they’ve just witnessed the paradox of humility in action.)
End scene.
