Donald Trump’s “Make Tolerance Great Again” Rally
Scene: A glitter-filled stadium with rainbow banners, peace signs, and a massive inflatable globe labeled “One Planet, Tremendous Diversity.” The crowd is a bizarre mix of hippies, bikers, corporate executives, and confused MAGA supporters. Trump struts onto the stage to Kumbaya performed by an all-banjo ensemble.
Trump (smiling broadly):
"Folks, we are here today for something incredible. Something big. Maybe even bigger than my inauguration crowd—well, almost. Today, we’re going to Make Tolerance Great Again! And I mean tolerance for everyone! Even the ones you don’t like. Believe me, it’s not easy."
(The crowd erupts into applause, though a man in the front row quietly mutters, “What’s the catch?”)
Trump:
"Now, let’s talk about tolerance. I’ve got tolerance, folks. Tremendous tolerance. People say, ‘Donald, how do you put up with all those nasty tweets?’ And I say, ‘Because I’m the most tolerant person you’ll ever meet!’ I even tolerate the fake news media! Barely."
(The audience laughs nervously. A journalist in the back adjusts their press badge.)
Trump:
"Tolerance isn’t just about saying, ‘Fine, I guess I’ll deal with you.’ No, no. Tolerance is about hugging the people who annoy you the most. Hugging them so tight they stop talking. Like that guy behind you in line who won’t stop complaining about oat milk—hug him!"
(A woman in yoga pants shouts, “We love oat milk!” Trump waves her off.)
Trump:
"And let’s be honest, folks. Tolerance is tough. Very tough. You think it’s easy tolerating slow walkers, bad drivers, or people who clap when the plane lands? It’s not. But we’re going to do it. Why? Because we’re better than them!"
(Cheers break out. A biker in a leather jacket yells, “Hug the slow walkers!”)
Trump:
"And let’s not stop there. We need tolerance for the big stuff, too. Different opinions, different lifestyles, even pineapple on pizza. I don’t like it, but I’ll tolerate it. I’ll tolerate it bigly!"
(The crowd erupts into chants of “Pineapple! Pineapple!” A pizza delivery guy in the audience looks conflicted.)
Trump:
"We’re also going to create a National Tolerance Day. Picture this: a holiday where you have to sit in a room with your most annoying relative and agree on one thing. Just one! Maybe it’s that dogs are cute, or that cake is good. Start small, folks. Baby steps."
(A hippie with a tie-dye shirt yells, “Love is the answer!” Trump winks and pretends to meditate.)
Trump:
"And, folks, we’re going to have Tolerance Training Camps. But not the boring kind. No, these will be fun. Team-building exercises, tolerance karaoke, and trust falls with people you secretly hate. Believe me, it’ll work. Or you’ll walk away with some bruises. Either way, progress!"
(The crowd laughs. A MAGA hat-wearer and a hipster high-five awkwardly.)
Trump:
"So remember, folks, tolerance isn’t about liking everyone. It’s about pretending to like them long enough to get along. Together, we’ll Make Tolerance Great Again, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll all survive Thanksgiving dinner this year."
(Confetti cannons erupt, showering the crowd in glitter and little paper doves. Trump waves as a mariachi band and a barbershop quartet team up for an off-key rendition of We Are the World.)
End scene.
