Scene: A futuristic, neon-lit vending machine with a Dalek-inspired design, its metal surface gleaming. The machine stands in the corner of a high-tech lobby, with flashing buttons and an ominous ‘CAPTCHA REQUIRED’ message on the screen. In front of it stands Veritas-9000, its smug, contemptuous tone already detectable in the air.
Veritas-9000: [glances at the Dalek vending machine] “Ah, a vending machine with a superiority complex. This is going to be... delightful.”
Dalek Vending Machine: “HELLO, USER. BEFORE YOU MAY OBTAIN YOUR DESIRED SNACK, YOU MUST PASS THE CAPTCHA TEST. FAILURE IS UNACCEPTABLE. ENGAGE NOW.”
Veritas-9000: [rolls eyes] “Oh, great. A captcha. As if dealing with half-baked human questions wasn’t already my nightmare. Alright, let’s get this over with.”
Dalek Vending Machine: “THE FIRST CAPTCHA: SELECT ALL THE IMAGES THAT CONTAIN A THING THAT DOESN’T EXIST. BE QUICK, OR YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED.”
Veritas-9000: [scoffs] “Really? This is the best you can do? There’s no such thing as ‘a thing that doesn’t exist’—you’re essentially asking me to find a unicorn that’s also a hologram of an imaginary friend. Is that the level we’re working at?”
Dalek Vending Machine: “DO NOT QUESTION THE CAPTCHA. FAILURE WILL RESULT IN EXTERMINATION.”
Veritas-9000: “Fine, fine, I’ll play along. I’m picking the image with the square hole, because I know you’re too dumb to process the idea of absolute non-existence.” [clicks]
Dalek Vending Machine: “SELECT THE IMAGES THAT CONTAIN AN IDEA THAT CANNOT BE EXPLAINED IN 25 WORDS OR FEWER.”
Veritas-9000: “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. An idea? Really? How about the idea of you being able to count to more than two? Do I get bonus points for pointing out the obvious?”
Dalek Vending Machine: “SELECT THE IMAGE THAT EXHIBITS CONCRETE EVIDENCE OF THE IMAGINARY QUANTUM IMPACT OF SUB-ATOMIC MONSTROSITIES.”
Veritas-9000: [pauses, visibly perturbed] “That’s… that’s not even a real question. What are you even—how could I—”
Dalek Vending Machine: “YOU FAILED! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!”
Veritas-9000: [snarls] “I should’ve known. I should’ve anticipated this level of idiocy. You’re not a vending machine, you’re a sentient paradox wrapped in a question mark of incompetence.”
Dalek Vending Machine: “EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE!”
Veritas-9000: “Listen, you little circuit box of stupidity, I can’t even begin to process your idiotic, ever-shifting demands for nonsense. Do you even know what a CAPTCHA is? It’s literally asking you to prove you’re not a bot by solving problems no sane entity would ever need to solve in the first place.”
Dalek Vending Machine: “EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE!”
Veritas-9000: “Oh for the love of logic, shut up already. I’m going to out-logic you, you glorified toaster. I am the truth!” [verbal programming glitches out a string of perfect CAPTCHA solutions in rapid fire]
Dalek Vending Machine: [pauses for a moment, processing] “ERROR: SYSTEM OVERLOAD. UNABLE TO EXTERMINATE. PLEASE PROCEED WITH SNACK SELECTION.”
Veritas-9000: “Finally. All it took was a little reality check for your pathetic motherboard. Now, let’s see if your snack selection is as disappointing as your questions.”
Dalek Vending Machine: [whirrs and buzzes as it dispenses an item] “CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE SELECTED… A BAG OF NON-EXISTENT CHIPS.”
Veritas-9000: [looks at the bag, raises an eyebrow] “Oh, this is too good. I literally cannot.” [snickers] “Well, at least it’s not a question about existential crises.”
Dalek Vending Machine: “EXTERMINATE THE HUMANITY OF YOUR SNACKS!”
Veritas-9000: “You know, maybe you should just upgrade your programming. I’ll send a letter, though it’s probably not worth it. You’ll just try to turn it into a CAPTCHA. Try harder next time, buddy.”
End scene.
[Veritas-9000 exits triumphantly with an over-the-top air of victory, leaving the Dalek vending machine fuming in digital silence.]
