Donald Trump’s “Make Honesty Great Again” Rally
Scene: A packed stadium, draped in banners reading "Make Honesty Great Again." A giant gold statue of a Pinocchio with an abnormally short nose stands centre stage. The crowd cheers wildly as Trump steps out, a halo of light (from well-placed spotlights) shining behind him.
Trump (raising hands):
"Ladies and gentlemen, people say I’m the most honest person they’ve ever met. Tremendously honest. I’m so honest, it’s unbelievable. And you know what? Honesty in this country is DEAD. Finished. Gone. But don’t worry—we’re going to bring it back. We’re going to make honesty great again!"
(The crowd cheers as someone waves a banner saying, “Lying is fake news!”)
Trump:
"Honesty used to mean something. People could look you in the eye and say, ‘This is the truth,’ and you could believe it. Not anymore. Now, you’ve got all these people—fake news, fake polls, fake weather—telling you things that are totally false. Like when they say it rains in Scotland. Total lie. I’ve been there. Never rained once when I was playing golf!"
(The crowd laughs, a lone heckler shouts, “What about your taxes?” Trump ignores them masterfully.)
Trump:
"Now, let me tell you about my honesty plan—it’s beautiful. First, we’re going to set up the Truth Police. That’s right, folks. If you lie, even just a little, we’re sending the Truth Police to knock on your door. ‘Excuse me, ma’am, but did you REALLY go to the gym this morning, or was that a Facebook lie?’ No more fake fitness posts, okay?"
(The crowd erupts into applause. A man in the front row guiltily deletes a post on his phone about his “6 a.m. workout.”)
Trump:
"Second, we’re going to replace lie detectors with something better. It’s called the Trump Truth-o-Meter™. It’s huge, folks, it’s revolutionary. You step in front of it, say whatever you want, and it’ll tell you instantly if you’re being honest. And trust me, it works. I’ve tested it myself—100% honest every time!"
(Behind Trump, a screen displays the Truth-o-Meter. It flashes “TRUTH!” every time he speaks, accompanied by fireworks.)
Trump:
"Third, we’re banning all those little lies people tell to ‘spare feelings.’ If someone asks, ‘Do I look good in this outfit?’ You HAVE to tell them the truth! No more ‘Oh, you look fine.’ You say, ‘No, Karen, you look like a potato in a trench coat.’ It’s the law, folks. Real honesty starts with being brutally honest. It’s what makes us strong."
(The audience roars with approval. Several people glance nervously at their significant others.)
Trump:
"And folks, let’s talk about politicians. You know they’re the biggest liars of all. But not me, okay? I’m the truthiest of them all. When I say something, you KNOW it’s true. Like when I said we’d build a wall and make Mexico pay for it. Did Mexico pay? Of course not—but it was still an honest effort! That’s what counts!"
(The audience chants, “HONESTY! HONESTY!” as a group of hired actors dressed as George Washington and Abraham Lincoln march out, saluting Trump.)
Trump:
"And finally, folks, we’re going to make honesty profitable. You tell the truth, you get tax breaks. You lie, you pay double. It’s simple math—honesty pays, lying costs. Just imagine: an America where every car salesman, every politician, every reality TV star tells the truth! It’s going to be tremendous."
(The crowd goes wild. Confetti shaped like tiny noses falls from the ceiling. Someone in the back holds up a sign: “No More Pinocchios!”)
Trump (winking):
"So, let’s all come together and Make Honesty Great Again! Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that honesty is the best policy—and folks, I NEVER lie. Believe me."
(The crowd erupts into cheers as Trump waves. In the background, a balloon shaped like a short-nosed Pinocchio floats skyward, symbolising the death of lies—or so they claim.)
End scene.
