(The crowd stares in confusion. Someone in the back whispers, "What’s a MIN-S-N-G-A?" The rest just cheer to blend in.)
"That’s right! We’ve spent too long focusing on the big shots, the celebrities, the elites. But let me tell you something—the nobodies, the people nobody talks about? They’ve been overlooked, folks! And I’m saying, why should they be? So, we’re gonna put them on the map, in the spotlight, on the biggest stage in the world! The nobodies are the future, folks!"
(He pauses dramatically as his speechwriters exchange horrified looks.)
"We’re going to make the invisible visible, folks! We’ll have a National Day of the Nobody. The calendar will have a whole month dedicated to nobody holidays. National Do-Nothing Day, where you literally do nothing—and you get awarded for it! Incredible. I’ll tell you, folks, you’ll all be getting participation trophies. Big ones, too. Only the best trophies. Maybe even gold-plated! Everyone’s a winner! Even if you don’t deserve it!"
(The crowd begins awkwardly chanting “MINSNGA! MINSNGA!” unsure of the meaning but fully committed.)
"And the fashion, folks. Oh, the fashion. We’re gonna make nobody wear the most exclusive thing—plain clothes. Just regular shirts and pants. No logos, no flash. The ‘I’m a nobody and I love it’ look. The best look. We’ll have an entire fashion week devoted to it. It’ll be called ‘Invisible Couture.’ It’ll be so exclusive, nobody can get in. They’ll all want to get in and fail. That’s how you make a nobody important."
(A small group in the crowd faint from the sheer absurdity. Trump doesn’t notice.)
"And the monuments, folks. Oh, the monuments. Forget the Lincoln Memorial, forget Washington—we’re putting up statues of nobodies. Statues of people who did nothing. The greatest statues ever. People will say, 'How did we live without these? They’re amazing!' And we’ll build them in secret, so nobody sees them coming. That’s the beauty, folks, the secret beauty of the nobody!"
(A team of interns starts drawing up plans for “The Nobody Monument,” featuring a plain, unremarkable figure staring at an empty chair.)
"And for the record, this isn’t about the fake news, okay? They love to talk about the big names—the big celebrities, the big politicians, the big people. But now we’re turning the tables, folks. It’s time for the smallest of the small to take their rightful place! We’re going to give everybody—and I mean everybody—a seat at the table. Even if you’re literally nobody. Believe me, folks, it’s gonna be huge!"
(At the end of the rally, Trump’s campaign staff scrambles to figure out if anyone is actually voting for this, while the crowd, now convinced they’ve attended the most important event of the century, continues chanting “MINSNGA!” into the night.)
