Title: "The Ronald McDonald Presidential Campaign"
Scene opens in a packed arena, festooned with red, white, and blue banners. Ronald McDonald steps onto the stage, beaming with energy, his giant red shoes clomping dramatically on the floor. The audience cheers in anticipation.
Ronald McDonald: (grinning ear to ear, hands on his hips) "Hello, America! Who’s ready for a change that’s not just big, it’s huge?! I’m Ronald McDonald, and I’m here to tell you: it’s time to supersize America’s greatness!"
(The crowd roars with applause.)
Ronald McDonald: "Now, I know what you're thinking. You’re thinking, ‘Ronald, you’re just a clown. What do you know about running a country?’ And to that, I say—(pauses dramatically)—who better to lead than someone who’s been in the business of making people happy for decades?!"
(Some members of the audience clap in agreement, others look puzzled.)
Ronald McDonald: "Let me be clear, folks. The only thing we need more of in this country is freedom! And the only way to get there is with a side of fries and a big, juicy, all-American burger! We’ll bring jobs back, make your wallets fatter, and give you the freedom to eat whatever you want—whenever you want!"
(A few cheers from the audience, some raised eyebrows.)
Ronald McDonald: "First off, we’re cutting taxes, folks. Big time! Who needs all this complicated tax stuff? You know what works? Simplicity! Just like a Big Mac! Tax cuts for all—because, frankly, who doesn't love a little more money in their pockets? And if you’re a small business owner, well, you’re gonna be loving me like a freshly grilled patty on a warm bun!"
(The crowd is more engaged now, nodding and clapping.)
Ronald McDonald: "And let’s talk about immigration. We need to make America great again, folks, and that means securing our borders. We’re gonna build a wall around our values—strong, crispy, golden values! And don’t worry—if you’re a hardworking immigrant with a strong work ethic, we’ll welcome you to the family... but let’s be real, you’ve gotta bring your best to the table, just like a quality McNugget!"
(A few supporters cheer enthusiastically, others look uncertain.)
Ronald McDonald: (leaning in, whispering conspiratorially) "And don’t get me started on the radical left—you want to talk about change? They want to tear this country apart! We’re gonna keep things right where they belong—right here, in the land of freedom, hamburgers, and all the good things in life!"
(Audience claps, a few boos can be heard from the back.)
Ronald McDonald: "Now, I know some people say I’m too out there, too unconventional, but I say—when you're in a nation built on burgers, you need to think outside the bun! What America needs is a strong leader who doesn’t just talk about making things great, but actually does it. And I’m gonna do it my way—because you know what they say, ‘You can’t make a good burger without a little bit of flame!’"
(The audience laughs, clapping, with a few chants of “Ronald! Ronald!”)
Ronald McDonald: (waving his arms) "We’re gonna keep America the best country on Earth, folks! Strong, powerful, and with a side of ketchup for everyone! No more wimpy politics—just bold leadership. This is the Golden Arches Era, and I’m here to lead the way!"
Audience: (loud applause, chants of “Make America Fry Again!”)
Ronald McDonald: (smiling proudly) "So, remember, folks: Vote for me, Ronald McDonald, and we’ll make America crispy again! And if you don’t, well... you’ll have to live with the fact that you didn’t get a free small fry. And that, my friends, would be a tragedy!"
(The crowd laughs, cheering, some people starting to chant “Ronald! Ronald!” again. Ronald waves dramatically as he exits the stage, shaking hands with a few supporters.)
