The rally is held in a high school gymnasium—dubbed the "Tremendous Trump Tech Hub" for the day. A colossal banner hangs overhead with the slogan: "MAKE ELON MUSK POOR AGAIN," in bright gold lettering. A Tesla is parked awkwardly on stage, spray-painted with "TRUMP 2025."
Trump takes the podium, flanked by red, white, and gold balloons. He points to the audience, grinning.
"Folks, welcome! Isn’t this the most beautiful rally you’ve ever seen? Today, we’re here to talk about a major issue—Elon Musk. Rich guy, right? Too rich. So rich it’s bad for America. We’re going to fix it. We’re going to Make Elon Musk Poor Again."
The crowd cheers, half-confused but very excited.
"Listen, I like Elon. Nice guy, weird ideas. But let me tell you—no one should have that much money. I’ve had lots of money, still do—some say the most money—but even I know when it’s too much. Elon’s building rockets to Mars! I’m trying to build a better Earth! See the difference?"
A teenager near the front raises a hand:
"Didn’t you just say you wanted to buy Mars at your last rally?"
Trump waves him off.
"Fake news! I never said that. And if I did, it was genius. Big difference, okay?"
"Now, how are we going to do it, folks? How are we going to make Elon Musk poor again? Simple. We’re going to tax him. Not regular taxes—those are for losers—we’re creating the Musk Tax. It’s huge. Every time Elon tweets, he owes America a billion dollars."
A man in a SpaceX hoodie shouts:
"But wouldn’t that bankrupt him in a week?"
Trump nods solemnly.
"Exactly! That’s the point. You want fairness, folks? It starts with shutting up on Twitter."
The crowd erupts into laughter and applause. Somewhere, a dog barks in agreement.
"And that’s not all. We’re taking Tesla and renaming it. That’s right. From now on, it’s called Trump-la. Same cars, but with a bigger engine sound—because silent cars are un-American. And every Trump-la will come with a free MAGA hat in the glove box."
A woman stands up, sceptical.
"But what about electric vehicle incentives? Aren’t you against government subsidies?"
Trump leans in, grinning:
"Subsidies? No, no. I call them Trump-bsidies. They’re like subsidies, but they only go to people I like. And let me tell you—Elon? Not on the list."
"Next, let’s talk about Neuralink. You know what that is, right? Elon wants to put chips in your brain. Creepy stuff. But I have a better idea. Instead of chips, we’re putting thoughts. Good, patriotic thoughts. Like, ‘Trump is great,’ and ‘America is number one.’ Much safer. No wires, no nonsense."
A scientist in the audience shouts:
"How would that even work?"
Trump winks.
"It’s called mind vibes. You wouldn’t understand. Very advanced stuff."
Trump then gestures to the spray-painted Tesla on stage.
"And finally, SpaceX. Elon wants to send rich people to space. But I’m saying—no way. Space belongs to America. We’re going to turn all his rockets into fireworks for the 4th of July. Tremendous fireworks. The best ever."
A young man with a NASA patch raises a hand:
"But don’t we need space exploration for scientific progress?"
Trump waves dismissively.
"Science is great, but fireworks bring people together. You ever see a lab experiment make someone cry tears of joy? No. Fireworks, folks. Fireworks."
The rally concludes with Trump holding up a mock cheque reading: “Elon Musk: Debt to America – $500 Trillion” and declaring:
"We’re not just making Elon Musk poor again, folks—we’re making him history! Tremendous success. Let’s hear it for the greatest America ever!"
The audience gives a standing ovation, half in awe, half unable to process what just happened. As the crowd disperses, someone mutters:
"Wait… wasn’t Elon already an immigrant? Why’s Trump even mad?"
Another replies:
"Who knows, but I can’t wait for my Trump-la."
