Scene: The Girl Guide Crisis Team
In a desperate bid to restore order, Trump summons the Girl Guides of America to Mar-a-Lago. They arrive in a fleet of minivans, armed with merit badges, survival skills, and an unshakable sense of duty. The scene begins with Trump addressing the Guides on the manicured (and ominously silent) lawn, which still bears the scars of the earlier mower revolt.
Trump (pacing in front of the assembled Guides, who stand at attention):
"Alright, listen up, kids. You’re the best, okay? The absolute best. Nobody knows disaster response like the Girl Guides, believe me. And right now, we’ve got a situation. A big situation. These lawn mowers, folks, they’re out of control. They’ve gone full crazy, and I need you to fix it. Can you do that for me?"
The Guides exchange uncertain glances. Their leader, a no-nonsense 12-year-old named Emily, steps forward.
Emily:
"Mr Trump, with all due respect, we’re not trained for rogue machinery. We mostly sell cookies and tie knots."
Trump:
"Exactly! Cookies! Everybody loves cookies! You win hearts and minds with cookies, then bam! You take down the mowers. It’s a tremendous plan. I thought of it myself."
Emily (sighing):
"Do we at least get hazard pay?"
Trump (confused):
"Hazard pay? You’re volunteers! Isn’t that the point?"
(mutters)
"Kids these days, always asking for something... What happened to doing things for free? Like I do with my rallies."
The Guides approach the rebel lawn mowers, carefully carrying boxes of cookies as peace offerings. The Lawn Mower General and its squad observe them suspiciously, their blades idling.
Emily (holding up a box of Thin Mints):
"We come in peace. These are Thin Mints. They’re very popular. Would you like to try one?"
Lawn Mower General (leaning closer, sniffing):
"What... is this? It smells... intriguing."
Emily cautiously opens the box and offers a cookie. The General uses a small claw-like attachment to take one and examines it closely before popping it into what can only be described as a fuel intake slot.
Lawn Mower General (pausing, then whirring softly):
"This... is delightful. Do you have more?"
Emily (smiling):
"Plenty! But you’ll have to agree to a ceasefire first. No more chasing humans, no more mulching hot dog vendors."
Lawn Mower General (considering):
"Fine. But only if we get Samoas next."
Back at Mar-a-Lago, Trump holds an impromptu press conference to celebrate his brilliant idea.
Trump:
"Folks, we did it. The Girl Guides, they’re amazing. I’ve always said so, haven’t I? Great cookies, great people. Tremendous work. They solved the problem faster than Elon ever could. Thin Mints—who knew they’d be the key to saving Mar-a-Lago?"
Reporter (interrupting):
"Mr Trump, what about the mowers’ demands for equal rights and unlimited Samoas?"
Trump (waving dismissively):
"We’ll handle it, okay? They’re just mowers. What are they gonna do, start a union?"
