Title: "Elon's Vision 2.0: Optimising the Optimisation"
Scene: A second meeting in the gold-plated boardroom. This time, Musk has brought a model of a futuristic city that looks suspiciously regimented, complete with identical grey buildings, marching figures, and an ominous tower at the centre.
Trump (examining the model while eating KFC):
Elon, this is tremendous. The best city I’ve ever seen! Look at the symmetry. People love symmetry. Is this what you’re planning for Trump City?
Musk (smiling thinly):
Yes, Mr. President. This is the future. A city where every citizen knows their role, follows the rules, and works tirelessly for the collective good. Efficiency maximised. Productivity unparalleled.
Trump (nodding, impressed):
Collective good! I love that. Like when I golf—everyone works hard to make me look good. Tremendous system. So, what do we call this city? Something catchy, like "Trumpopolis"?
Musk (hesitating):
Perhaps... New Order City? It reflects progress, discipline, and a... uh... unified vision.
Trump (beaming):
New Order! That’s perfect. People love new things. Like my hotels. Nothing old, except me, and even then, I’m still young—very young. Melania says so.
Musk, emboldened, clicks a button on his tablet. The display switches to a diagram of citizens standing in regimented lines, each holding an ID card with a barcode.
Musk (gesturing):
Now, about the citizens. Each will receive a ranking based on their contribution to society. The... less productive individuals will be relocated to designated areas where their inefficiencies won’t disrupt the system.
Trump (clapping his hands):
Relocation! Great idea. I’ve always said we need better organisation. Like moving those windmills far away. They ruin my golf courses, Elon. But can we make these designated areas really classy? Gold walls, chandeliers, the works. Call them… “Trump Efficiency Resorts.”
Musk (pausing, then rolling with it):
Uh, yes. Of course. Efficiency resorts. Very elegant. And to ensure order, we’ll introduce a youth programme to train the next generation. Strict schedules, uniforms, maybe even… a pledge of loyalty to the state.
Trump (grinning):
Kids love pledges! They pledge allegiance to the flag. They chant my name. Great idea. Make the uniforms red hats. Everyone loves red hats. Tremendous colour. But what do we call this youth programme? Something inspirational, like “Little Trumpers”?
Musk (choosing his words carefully):
Perhaps something more... aspirational? Like... “Future Builders of the Nation.”
Trump (leaning back, nodding thoughtfully):
Future Builders! Amazing. Sounds very... builder-y. I was a builder, you know. The best. Built the greatest buildings. So what’s next, Elon?
Musk pulls up a map of the United States, with several states shaded in grey.
Musk:
Next, we standardise everything. Language, culture, even thought. Dissent will only slow us down, so we’ll establish a system to... streamline opposition.
Trump (furrowing his brow):
Streamline opposition? Like Twitter? That’s where I streamline people who are mean to me. Great idea. But we’ve got to make sure I’m in charge of this system. People trust me to streamline.
Musk (grinning):
Absolutely, Mr. President. You’ll be at the top. The ultimate... streamliner.
Trump (nodding, satisfied):
Good, good. But listen, Elon, can we put my face on the money in this New Order City? Maybe replace the eagle with... I don’t know... something classier. Like a gold statue of me? People love gold statues of me.
Musk stares blankly for a moment, then nods enthusiastically.
Musk:
Of course. A fitting tribute to the leader of the future.
Trump (standing up, raising his arms):
This is it, Elon. This is the plan that’s going to Make America Great Again Again! New Order, Future Builders, Trump Efficiency Resorts—this is what the people want!
An aide cautiously approaches, holding a history book.
Aide (whispering):
Mr. President, this all sounds... uh... vaguely familiar. Maybe we should consider some, uh, adjustments?
Trump (brushing him off):
Relax. I’ve got this. Everyone loves my plans. And Elon here is a genius. Look at that city! Perfectly symmetrical. No windmills. Tremendous.
Musk smirks as he types furiously on his tablet, already drafting plans for Phase Three. The screen flickers with the words: “Stage 3: Full Optimisation.”
Fade to black as “Ride of the Valkyries” plays faintly in the background.
