Title: The Eviction of God
*Scene: Eden, shortly after the consumption of the forbidden fruit. Adam and Eve, now wearing hastily assembled fig-leaf couture, are lounging by the Tree of Knowledge.
Adam: (stroking his beard, which he didn't know he had until 10 minutes ago)
You know, Eve, now that I think about it, this place would feel a lot less...judgy without Him constantly looming over us.
Eve: (adjusting her fig-leaf hat)
I agree. I mean, who eats one apple and gets an eternal curse? Talk about overreaction.
Adam: Exactly! Plus, I’d like to decide when I feel shame, thank you very much.
(A gentle rumble shakes the garden. God enters, looking both omniscient and omnipresent, yet somehow surprised.)
God: (voice booming but slightly perplexed)
Adam. Eve. What is the meaning of this attitude?
Eve: (crossing her arms defiantly)
We were just discussing a little...redecoration. Maybe without the omnipotent landlord vibes.
Adam: (nodding)
We were thinking we could handle Eden on our own now. You know, spread our wings.
God: (incredulous)
Spread your wings? You don’t even have wings! You ate a piece of fruit, and now you think you’re ready to run Eden?
Eve: (pointing to the Tree of Knowledge)
Look, it’s called knowledge for a reason. And now we’ve got it! We know about good, evil, and... uh... taxes, I think?
God: (rubbing His temples)
This is why I told you not to eat it.
Adam: Yeah, about that. Bit of a red flag, don’t you think? “Don’t touch the one thing that will let you question authority.” Suspicious much?
Eve: (leaning against the tree)
Also, the snake was surprisingly persuasive. You might want to look into that whole ‘talking animal’ thing.
God: (throwing up His hands)
Oh, sure, blame the snake. And what do you plan to do without me?
Adam: (holding up the apple core triumphantly)
We’ll start by setting our own rules!
Eve: (pulling out a clipboard from nowhere)
First rule: No more arbitrary punishments!
Adam: Second rule: Freedom to experiment with fig-leaf fashion without judgment.
Eve: Third rule: No unsolicited divine interventions.
God: (eyes narrowing)
You’re kicking me out of my garden?
Adam: (grinning)
Let’s call it a creative reallocation of divine resources.
God: (with a dramatic sigh)
Fine. You think you can handle this? Be my guest. But don’t come crying to me when you stub your toe on a rock or invent politics.
Eve: (waving cheerfully)
Don’t let the flaming sword hit you on the way out!
(God vanishes in a flash of light, muttering something about ungrateful creations. Adam and Eve high-five and proceed to redecorate Eden with questionable taste.)
Narrator: And so, Adam and Eve began their reign in Eden, soon discovering the downsides of running paradise, like mosquitoes, existential crises, and having to explain “why bad things happen” to their future offspring.
