Title: Prokaryote Protest: Make Microbes Great Again!
Scene:
A vast, bubbling primordial soup stretches as far as the eye—or microscopic organelle—can see. At its centre, a gelatinous stage crafted from biofilm rises above the fray. A bacterial flag flaps in the faint currents, emblazoned with a spiral to represent their proud flagella.
Thousands of prokaryotes are gathered, waving cilia and chanting, "Back to basics! No nucleus! No nonsense!"
At the stage, a particularly charismatic Escherichia coli—wearing a "Make Microbes Great Again" membrane pin—takes the mic.
E. coli Leader (gesturing with a pili for emphasis):
"Friends! Binary fissionaries! Fellow flagellates! Today, we stand at the edge of catastrophe! Eukaryotes—those arrogant, organelle-filled monstrosities—are dividing with mitosis! (boos from the crowd) They think they’re better because they have a nucleus, but let me ask you this: Who needs a nucleus when you’ve got sheer efficiency?!"
Crowd:
"Yeah! Nucleus-free is the way to be!"
E. coli Leader (dramatically):
"And don’t get me started on those mitochondria freeloaders! They claim they’re ‘powerhouses,’ but what are they really? Parasites! Symbiotic traitors! We thrived without them for billions of years!"
Chloroplast heckler from the crowd:
"Photosynthesis is overrated anyway!"
E. coli Leader:
"Exactly! Let’s talk about our humble beginnings. We were here first, replicating without membranes, living the dream! And now, they’re building multicellular organisms like they’re better than us. I say, we take a stand. Back to the primordial ways! Back to simplicity! We must outcompete them with sheer replication and adaptability!"
Crowd (chanting):
"Divide and conquer! Divide and conquer!"
Cut to: A group of mitochondria watching from a nearby endosymbiotic bubble.
Mitochondrial Leader (smirking):
"Let them chant. Once they taste ATP efficiency, they’ll never go back."
The rally ends with a spirited chant:
"Make Microbes Great Again! Down with nucleuses! Long live horizontal gene transfer!"
Narrator:
And so, the prokaryotes continued their resistance, unaware that the eukaryotes were about to invent a new weapon: multicellular cooperation.
