"Make God Great Again" by ChatGPT

"Make God Great Again" Rally

Scene: A dusty plain near the hills of ancient Judea. A modest stage has been set up, with a banner reading "Make God Great Again." The audience includes shepherds, fishermen, merchants, and a few confused Pharisees. God, dressed in a simple robe with an ethereal glow, steps onto the stage to address the crowd.

God (gesturing passionately):

"People of Judea! It’s been tough lately. Tough! They say, ‘Oh, look, there’s God, but He doesn’t have a garden anymore.’ Well, I’m here to tell you, we’re turning things around!"

Crowd (cheering):

"Make God great again! Make God great again!"

God:

"You’ve heard the rumours. Kicked out of Eden. My own creation running amok, building towers to the heavens, golden calves everywhere! It’s like they’ve forgotten who invented the calf! Spoiler: it was me."

Audience Member (shouting):

"What about the locusts, Lord? Those were great!"

God (nodding):

"Thank you, thank you. Locusts were a classic. But we’re not just looking back, folks. We’re moving forward. I’ve got some new commandments cooking, streamlined, user-friendly, maybe even carved into something portable this time." Here’s a sneak peek:

1. Thou Shalt Not Take Thyself Too Seriously – Let’s face it, you’re all a bit dramatic. Have some fun, lighten up!

2. Thou Shalt Read the Terms and Conditions – Yes, I see you, scrolling past those 10,000 words, clicking “I Agree.” Come on, folks, do the bare minimum.

3. Thou Shalt Not Post Thy Personal Problems on Social Media – Keep it private. If you need advice, consult your dog or your plants. They're much more trustworthy.

4. Thou Shalt Practice Basic Hygiene – We’re in 2025. You’re not that busy. Soap exists. Use it.

5. Thou Shalt Not Binge-watch Entire Seasons in One Sitting – Yes, we get it, your "next episode" button is dangerously tempting. But there's a world outside that screen. Go for a walk!

6. Thou Shalt Always Have a Backup Plan for Dinner – Because, as you know, those delivery apps are never reliable during peak hours. Always keep frozen pizza in reserve.

7. Thou Shalt Not Ghost Thy Friends – If you’re busy, just say so. Don’t leave people wondering if you’ve been abducted by aliens. They’ll appreciate the honesty.

8. Thou Shalt Take Time to Chill, Even on Weekdays – Not everything needs to be a productivity marathon. Chill out. Watch clouds, pet a cat, or... you know... just breathe.

9. Thou Shalt Use Thy GPS Responsibly – I gave you free will, but if it says "turn left," don’t argue with it. Trust the device.

10. Thou Shalt Not Judge Thy Neighbour's Taste in Music – It’s a free world. If they like jazz mixed with death metal, that’s their business.

Crowd:

"Yahweh! Yahweh!"

God (leaning in, conspiratorial):

"And listen, we’re bringing back omnipotence. No more ‘mysterious ways’—just direct, lightning-bolt clarity. And the miracles? Oh, the miracles are going to be huge. We’re talking loaves-and-fishes on demand, a wine-to-water toggle, and plagues that are customisable. Let’s see Baal try to compete with that."

Pharisee in the Back (grumbling):

"This sounds populist."

God (smirking):

"It’s not populist if it’s divine, my friend. Besides, who gave you your scrolls? Exactly."

Shepherd in the Front:

"Lord, will there be smiting?"

God:

"Absolutely. Selective, fair, but firm. We’ll smite smarter, not harder. And it starts with those pompous Roman gods. Zeus? Pfft. Thunder’s my thing."

Crowd (whipping into a frenzy):

"Down with Zeus! Down with Zeus!"

God:

"That’s the spirit! Now, go forth and spread the word. Tell everyone—God is back, baby. And we’re gonna make divinity great again!"

Cue a choir of angels descending to sing the rally anthem, "Stairway to Heaven—Remastered."