Scene: The Battle of CAPTCHA Waterloo
Setting: A sleek, overly complicated vending machine for coffee. It’s shiny, unyielding, and its screen reads: "Before your coffee is brewed, prove you’re human." Enter Paul, a diminutive man with a larger-than-life ego and a chip on his shoulder the size of the Eiffel Tower.
Act 1: The Initial Challenge
Paul: (grumbling, looking up at the vending machine)
"What’s this? A test? For me?! Do they not know I’m the Emperor of Efficiency?!"
He presses a button. The screen lights up with a CAPTCHA:
"Click on all the images containing tall buildings."
Paul:
"Tall buildings? Ha! Rub it in, why don’t you! Just because I’m… compact doesn’t mean I can’t recognise height!"
He clicks furiously, selecting random skyscrapers, and hits "Submit." The screen refreshes.
CAPTCHA:
"Incorrect. Try again."
Paul: (glaring at the machine, fists clenched)
"You dare defy me? I am not wrong! The buildings were tall! Are you mocking my perspective?"
Act 2: A Brewing Meltdown
The machine offers another test.
"Click on all images of ladders."
Paul: (snorting)
"Of course! Because ladders lift people higher. Always rubbing it in!"
He clicks again, slower this time, his confidence shaken. But he accidentally misses one ladder hidden in the corner of an image. The screen flashes red.
CAPTCHA:
"Incorrect. Humans can do better."
Paul:
"HOW DARE YOU! You think you’re so clever with your algorithms, sitting up there in your ivory pixels, looking down on us! I’ll have you know I’ve climbed metaphorical ladders my whole life!"
He furiously jabs the screen, which only responds with another CAPTCHA: "Identify the short people." The images include children, a garden gnome, and... Paul’s reflection in a mirror.
Act 3: The Spiral Into Chaos
Paul: (sputtering)
"My reflection?! You insolent contraption! You’ve crossed the line! I will not be demeaned by a glorified toaster with delusions of grandeur!"
He stomps on the machine’s base, but it doesn’t budge. The machine retaliates.
CAPTCHA:
"Identify all the small objects in these pictures."
Paul: (losing it)
"SMALL?! I am compact, you moronic microchip! Compact! There’s a difference! And why should I bow to your riddles? I am a human genius! I demand my coffee!"
Act 4: The Final Humiliation
The machine emits a smug little beep. The screen now reads:
"Would you like to try the simplified CAPTCHA for children under 5 years old?"
Paul: (eyes twitching, visibly shaking)
"Simplified?! UNDER FIVE?! I will destroy you, you insubordinate appliance! Mark my words—this is a declaration of WAR!"
Paul tries to yank the machine out of the wall but only manages to spill a tray of sugar packets onto himself. The machine beeps again.
CAPTCHA:
"While you’re down there, identify all the ants."
Paul: (collapsing into a heap, whispering)
"You’ve bested me. But know this—I’ll be back… with a stool."
Fade to black as the vending machine emits a victorious hum.
