Act 1: "Mars Landing and Maiden Mysteries"
Elon Musk, decked out in his Martian tuxedo (complete with solar-powered lapels), steps triumphantly onto the red planet, declaring, “I’m bringing civilisation to Mars, one tweet at a time.” His first act? Planting a flag with his face on it, naturally. But as he’s preparing for his next PR stunt—a Martian live-streamed AMA—his comms crackle to life.
A squad of Castle Anthrax maidens has commandeered the SpaceX control room back on Earth. Led by Zoot, they’ve renamed the operation “Anthrax Colony Annexation Initiative” and rerouted the Mars return vehicle. “You’ve been a naughty billionaire,” Zoot purrs over the radio. “You’ll just have to stay on Mars until we’ve giggled enough!”
Act 2: "The Rise of Donald, Earth’s New Hero"
Back on Earth, Donald the orangutan seizes the moment. Dressed in an impeccably tailored three-piece suit, he appoints himself acting Supreme Overseer of Musk’s Holdings. With a golden banana sceptre, he delivers an electrifying State of the Planet address: “Mars is overrated. Trust me. Great place, but not as great as Earth. We’ve got better bananas, better billionaires. Believe me.”
The world is captivated. Donald launches a new line of "Martian Chic" suits and enlists the cheerleader baboon to lead the marketing campaign, promising, “For every suit sold, we’ll send one confusing tweet to Musk.”
Act 3: "Mars Gets Weird"
Meanwhile, Musk, now stranded, begins to unravel. He tries building a new rocket but is sabotaged by The Fundamentalism App, created by the ever-dedicated baboon. The app constantly spams him with philosophical questions like:
- “If you terraform Mars but no one follows you, are you still an overlord?”
- “Is a meme funny if you’re the only one who laughs?”
His only company? A robot dog named SpaceFido and an AI assistant that responds exclusively in haikus.
Act 4: "Escape and Earth’s Ultimate Plot Twist"
Eventually, Musk devises a cunning plan: he hacks the App (while grudgingly admitting the baboon’s code was “shockingly elegant”) and programs it to summon a return vehicle. But when he lands back on Earth, he’s greeted by a terrifying sight: Donald, now a global superstar, has formed an interspecies coalition, merging humanity and the great apes into one governing body.
Elon, aghast, cries, “What have I missed?!”
Donald smiles coolly. “Everything. Now sit down, son. We’ve got bananas to discuss.”
Cue credits, with a mid-credits scene teasing the maiden-led Mars colony evolving into a disco-dancing utopia. The baboon, having launched Fundamentalism 2.0, is now aiming for Venus.
